If you have made it to this post because you are working on getting to know yourself, CONGRATS, job well done. You have been working hard in the margins of your everyday life. Between work, kids, time for you, and all the curve balls that life loves to throw in the mix you should be giving yourself a pat on the back, or pouring yourself a glass of wine.
If you stumbled upon this post because without reading the first two articles in this series, thank you for stopping by and welcome to an amazing tribe of women. I would highly recommend that you read and go through the first six steps. You can find the articles (Part 1) and (Part 2).
So for a quick review of the steps to get to know yourself better:
- Step 1: Discover Your Strengths
- Research, meditate, ask people, take tests, but find out what your strengths are and focus on them.
- Step 2: Be Honest With Yourself
- What do you like? How do you like your eggs? Are you being true to yourself and proudly admitting that you love cinnamon on your pancakes and not syrup?
- Step 3: Create Your Vision
- How do you want your life to look? What are the details? Do you want to live in the mountains or by the ocean?
- Step 4: Make Peace With Your Past
- What do you need to put to rest to move forward? Who can you talk with to close those chapters and move on with your life?
- Step 5: Start Setting Goals
- Make them measurable, know that they work, keep focused, and WRITE THEM DOWN!
- Step 6: Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone
- Start small, once a month think of something that makes you a little nervous. Be brave and be bold. You are on YOUR journey.
By now you have probably noticed things are changing in your life. Maybe people are seeing that you seem different, asking you if you have lost weight or did something else with your hair. YOU are different.
“Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be.”
― Heath L. Buckmaster,
You are embracing your truth and packing your baggage, so it fits in the overhead compartment and not the massive oversized suitcase the agents give you a dirty look when you check in. These are all positive and forward steps.
Meeting the needs of everyone in your life while you are trying to evolve to the best version of yourself may force you to make some difficult choices. See the reality is that there are people in your life that don’t want you to be the best version of yourself. Not because they are mean-spirited or malicious, but because they simply aren’t ready to become the best version of themselves. And misery loves company, so while you are progressing on your journey, they may be trying to hold you back.
As I mentioned in part II of this series, leaning to set boundaries with the people in my life was very difficult. Especially boundaries with my dad and it is constant, but we have a much healthier relationship today, and I have learned to manage my expectations and accept him for who he is, not who I want him to be.
Several years ago I was having dinner with my good friend Deanna. I was telling her about a friendship that I was struggling with, and Deanna said: “sometimes you have to weed your friendship garden.” Such a valuable piece of advice applies to any relationship in your life. There is a reason why Deanna is my Sage.
I am a firm believer that not all relationships are meant to last forever. The Universe has a master plan, and people come into your life for a reason. Once you have learned what you need to learn from them, they may not serve a purpose in your life anymore. Not all relationships (romantic, friendships, work) will last. And if you are struggling with some of your relationships while you are on your journey, it could be a sign that it’s time to move on.
Step 7: Give Yourself Grace
Giving yourself grace may be the most difficult step because it requires you to give yourself a break. This process of getting to know yourself, loving you for the good, bad, and ugly is hard work. And the work is never-ending. Fear can dominate your life or fear is an ally that you keep close by, reminding you to keep moving forward. The choice is up to you. Remember there are no right or wrong choices, just choices.
Some days are easier than others. When I am sleep deprived, lonely, feeling bloated, don’t exercise, worry about making ends meet, and my little man is driving me crazy, all I want to do is lay on the couch and watch Gilmore Girls. I have to remind myself that is fear trying to dominate. So I remember my boundaries with fear, give myself some grace and continue.
So Now What?
How can you give yourself grace? I like the idea of saying my blessings at night, and before I get out of bed, I say all kinds of positive affirmations to start my day off right. When I fail, I remind myself that I am trying, because if I weren’t doing anything, I wouldn’t fail. And when I get over emotional, I remind myself that I am feeling, which is ok.
I would love to hear back from you about your journey to get to know yourself better. What is working? What isn’t working? How are you setting your goals and giving yourself grace? Is any of this helpful?