A Simple Tool to help reduce anxiety and increase capacity in your life

In this episode of The Fire Inside Her, Diane shares a powerful tip for making peace with your ego. She delves into her personal struggles with self-doubt and how acknowledging her ego has been key to making progress on her journey to authenticity. Diane recounts a nerve-wracking coffee date where her ego stirred up worst-case scenarios. Through this experience, she emphasizes the importance of challenging limiting beliefs and recognizing our own accomplishments. Additionally, she opens up about guiding her son through his own battles with anxiety and the insightful conversation she had with him about the role of the ego. This episode will resonate with anyone seeking to understand and navigate the influence of their ego while striving for personal growth and authenticity. Don’t miss the valuable insights and advice shared in this engaging and relatable episode.

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Diane Schroeder [00:00:00]:

Welcome to The Fire Inside Her, the podcast where we explore the incredible stories of individuals who have discovered their inner fire on their journey to authenticity. I'm your host, Diane Schroeder, and I am so grateful that you are here.

Diane Schroeder [00:00:23]:

Hey, friends. Today, I'm going to share with you a tip that will help you make peace with your ego, especially when that ego is creating havoc in your life. Look, we all have an ego, and it's there to keep us safe and to protect us. Unfortunately, our ego can also keep us stuck. I used to think that if I just ignored my ego and did all the work to heal past traumas, it would just go away.

Diane Schroeder [00:00:55]:

It wasn't until I started to acknowledge my ego that I made more progress in my journey. Last week, I was having coffee with a new acquaintance. We're in a couple of the same online communities, and as I explore my entrepreneurial journey, it's really nice to meet other women in real life. And it can also feel a little bit like online dating. You connect online. You pick a place to be in real life. You see if there's chemistry and connection and whether or not you'll continue hanging out.

Diane Schroeder [00:01:30]:

I will be completely honest with you. I get nervous each time this happens. My ego perks up and screams worst case scenarios in my head. For example, I don't have much to offer other women who are in the same space because I'm so new to this. And what if the person I'm meeting just doesn't like me? What if they think I'm a fraud and I should just go back to doing something else? What if they don't recognize me and see my feminine energy? They just see the tomboy. Blah, blah, blah. It takes me right back to when I was 8 and walked across the street to introduce myself to the new girl in the neighborhood. And her friend told me she had enough friends and shut the door on my face.

Diane Schroeder [00:02:22]:

Fear, rejection, and unworthiness. The 3 travel companions that I recognize, and I try to keep them in the back of the bus of my brain. We had a lovely coffee date. We shared parts of our story and none of the bad things that I whipped up in my head came true. I can't remember the exact question she asked me regarding the limiting beliefs that I carry about myself. My answer had something to do with being afraid to play big and be bold. She challenged me and said that based on what little I shared with her about my journey, I've been playing big and bold over the last few years.

Diane Schroeder [00:03:08]:

And you know what? She's right. And I am willing to bet, if you were to pause and reflect on the last few years in your life, you too have had some amazing accomplishments. That damn ego can be a trickster at times. When it isn't screaming from the back of the bus, it can be quietly playing limiting belief tapes in your head that are no longer true and do not serve you. I had a similar conversation with my son a couple weeks ago. He started middle school this year. And if you remember middle school, you can appreciate that he was a little nervous.

Diane Schroeder [00:03:46]:

He walked into a new school of 1100 kids with no friends. His elementary school fed into a different middle school than he is currently attending. Honestly, I'm not sure who had more anxiety, me or him. I was aware that I didn't want to project my crap from my middle school experience decades earlier onto him. So, my son and I have been working on trust and grace this year. And the first couple of months of middle school was a test to our commitment to those words. Lots of tears, screaming, and frustration from both of us, alongside patience, grace, and some hard conversations. He would get the Sunday scaries and not want to go to school on Monday.

Diane Schroeder [00:04:38]:

After a rough day at school, we were talking, and I told him that it's completely normal to get the scaries. I get them as an adult. I shared with him about my worries before I would go on shift every time for over 20 years, I would have a little anxiety before I went. I also explained to him that the ego is responsible for some of the Sunday scaries. He looked at me like I had 10 heads spinning on plates. I courageously continued to share with him that the ego is here to protect him and to keep him safe. Part of the protection plan is to always think of the worst-case scenario. That ego is similar to an emergency manager.

Diane Schroeder [00:05:28]:

Be prepared for the worst. He asked if he could just get rid of his ego, and I said, that would be fantastic, but no. Instead, I offered that he name his ego, and then thank his ego for doing such a fantastic job of keeping him safe and alert. He said he would consider it and then get back to me in the morning. The next day, we were driving to school, and he announced that he had named his ego. I asked, and he said he named him Larry. I suggested that he keep in touch with Larry. And when he starts screaming, he being Larry, or he feels that Larry's in his body and the stress that he quietly reminds Larry, he has it under control. And you know what? It's working.

Diane Schroeder [00:06:19]:

Every morning, we have a brief conversation about Larry. I ask my little man how Larry is, and he tells me that he's better and that the worries don't seem as big. He also asked me what I named my ego. Fantastic question, because I didn't have a name for her. But I felt that I should probably follow my own advice. So, I decided to name my ego, Ginger, acknowledging her in my self-maintenance morning ritual. Doing this has freed up more capacity in my life to create, to lead, parent, and even love. Does it mean that I don't worry? Absolutely not.

Diane Schroeder [00:07:01]:

I still get worried. I still have some anxiety over things that I have zero control over. And I fall back into remembering that if I trust my instincts and my gut and I follow my heart, I usually turn out okay. So here is my advice for today. When your ego starts screaming inside your head, and it will, don't ignore it. Our egos are here for a reason. I am offering that you try acceptance, grace, and love. You've got this, my friend.

Diane Schroeder [00:07:38]:

Thank you for giving the valuable gift of your time and listening to The Fire Inside Her podcast. Speaking of value, one of the most common potholes we fall into on the journey to authenticity is not recognizing our value. So, I created a workbook. It's all about value. Head on over to thefireinsideher.com/value to get your free workbook that will help you remember your value. Until next time, my friend.