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Welcome to The Fire Inside Her, a brave space to share stories of navigating life transitions with authenticity, using our inner fire to light the way, and self care as our loyal travel companion. I'm your host, Diane Schroeder, and I'm so grateful you are here. I love it when the universe conspires to help me. A few months ago, I was introduced to this week's guest through a mutual acquaintance who lives in San Francisco. We met for a coffee date and had that instant spark chemistry when you connect with authentic humans who dive into deep conversations and skip the small talk. Amanda McKoy Flanagan is a badass driven by purpose and healing. Amanda is a native New Yorker, her in Colorado, who blends street smarts with tree hugging for a sensible and spiritual approach to love and loss. She's no stranger to either.

Author, podcaster, and motivational speaker, Amanda recently released her debut inspirational memoir, Trust Yourself to be All In, and is the cohost of the Soul Rising podcast. Together, we talk about the power of letting go of limiting beliefs, addressing life's discomforts early on, and the generational shift towards healing and self care. Her approach to wellness includes meditation, running, and a plant based diet has been pivotal in her recovery and ongoing quest for peace. Amanda's journey to authenticity involves spiritual and personal growth. Amanda's journey to authenticity involves spiritual and personal growth underscored by her studies in grief coaching, energy work, reiki, and psychic mediumship. In addition to the list of incredible work Amanda is pouring into the world, she is the co founder of the nonprofit organization, Castle Rock Clubhouse, a recovery clubhouse that serves as the meeting space for various 12 step programs. Amanda is passionate about sobriety, meditation, and spirituality, A lover of horses, drumming, running, vegan eating, and dancing. She also enjoys singing with abandon to loud rock music, sometimes while driving a little too fast.

Hello, fiery souls. Today's conversation is gonna just be awesome for a lot of reasons. My guest, Amanda McKoy Flanagan, is fantastic. We were connected through a mutual acquaintance of mine, old school friend of hers, and we hit it off right away. And I can't wait to dive into the conversation. So, Amanda, welcome.

Thank you so much, Diane. Thank you for having me here. And, yeah, anybody who's a big Pearl Jam fan is a friend of mine, so we're good.

Exactly. So it's funny. We didn't realize we were Pearl Jam fans. Yeah. And that is actually my icebreaker question to you.

Oh, okay.

I would love to know, what is your favorite Pearl Jam song and why?

It's called Unthought Known. Do you know?

I think it's off backspacer,

I wanna say. Mhmm. Came out later. You would think maybe since I've been a fan since I'm 12 years old that it would be, like, alive or you're something off a 10, like, you know, but it's more of an obscure song.

Yes. I am not familiar with it.

Yeah. Unthought? No. And you have to go listen to it. It's really beautiful. It's really, like, kinda showcases their, like, theatrical side a little bit. Like, it starts out with just, like, guitar licks, and then it builds and builds and builds to this, like, crescendo, then, like, a piano comes in, the guitar, and it's really uplifting. It's really hopeful. That song was kind of my theme song when I moved here.

They say, like, we're the most unorganized organization in the world. But it's there are certain things that have to happen, and they weren't happening, and newcomers weren't staying, and I wasn't finding women to sponsor, and I was worried for my own sobriety. So I when I heard somebody talk about a clubhouse, I was like, yeah. Let's do that. But there were some people in the community who didn't want it. You know? And I got a little bit of pushback. Bring in your New York, you know, recovery here. We're good.

We don't need that. You know?

We don't talk about it around here. We just keep it quiet behind closed doors.

Yeah. Exactly. We don't want too many people to know about this life saving program we have. Right? Mhmm. And they really kind of liked, the way things were because there weren't too many cooks in the kitchen. They were it was very small, like, little power base. But anyway, it was working. People were sober, but like I said, people weren't staying, and and newcomers are the are the lifeblood of 12 Step Recovery.

If there are new newcomers aren't staying, it's it just doesn't continue. Right? Because people die. And then, like, we don't have people to sponsor, and that's how you stay sober. But, anyway, that song was, like helped me be like the little engine that could. Like, every time I would be, like I'd hear something that somebody would say or and I would just feel, like, defeated, I would just, like, put that song on. And what's interesting is the video is really cool cool too. You should go check out the video on YouTube. It's like this homeless man and his like, they've had it's really, really cool.

And it goes from, like, city to country, which is interesting because that's I have a lot of strange synchronicities with Pearl Jam. And the car that they show, it really looks like, like so they're they're showing it's like this view. You'll see when you watch it. This is, like, somebody, like, in the car, and they show it going

like a on, like, a country road, like, on

a highway, going really, really fast out towards, like, the country.

Mhmm.

And it looks like could be the side of my gray Honda Pilot. Like, it's the strangest strangest thing. Way. It's really, really weird. You have to go watch it. But, you know, the the lyrics are, look for love in evidence that you're worth keeping. Very, like you know, I lived in a lot of self doubt for most of my life. Low self worth.

Feel the sky blanket you with gems and rhinestones. Feel the path cut by the moon for you to walk on. You know, Eddie and his just, like, lyrical

Yes. The genius. The genius. Yes.

I say every album that comes out, I'm like, they need to make, like, a poetry book out of this. But

I agree. You know, after we've talked about that, I I agree. I'm like, I I would like Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam to write a poetry book. Just release all your songs and poems. So please get on that

Yes.

After you're done with your world tour Yes. In case you're listening.

Yes. Eddie, go write that book.

Yes.

So, yeah. So that's just that's my favorite song. I love it.

Well, thank thank you for sharing that. And, I mean, you have such an incredible story and incredible journey, and I think we could probably talk for hours and hours about it. But I would love to know how Colorado has kind of launched you in a different direction than you were in when you were back in New York.

My kids were little when we moved here. They were 1 and 3. So, you know, I was doing the whole mom, you know, stay at home mom thing. And my brother died, my marriage blew up, we go to marriage counseling, I unraveled this whole story of generational family dysfunction that kind of fed me this lie that I call the great myth. And it's everybody leaves you, everybody hurts you, protect your heart, and always love a little less.

Mhmm.

Because when the shoe drops, or when that person dies or leaves you or whatever, or hurts you in some way, they're gonna hurt you. And when they hurt you Right. They won't be as painful. You won't be as devastated.

You've got your armor up. You're protected.

I don't even know if that's even a true thing. I mean, I feel like we wanna think that. We wanna think, like, the armor's gonna protect us. But when that thing happens, it's just you can't control the emotion and the feeling that comes up.

No. I feel like a lot of times, the armor does the exact opposite, whatever the fictitious armor is. It doesn't protect us from getting hurt. It protects us from experiencing joy and happiness. Exactly. Exactly. Like Brene Brown talks about foreboding joy. Mhmm.

Mhmm.

But I really didn't understand it, and I really didn't know how to process it. Probably because there was so much fear, because I didn't know what how to walk through it. I was like, okay. So now if I acknowledge this, and if I admit that this is the way that I'm living, then then what? Am I gonna hit the floor and never get up? You know? So, yeah. So I realized that that's how I had been living, and I and I hadn't been allowing myself to experience pure love and pure connection. So my brother's death, I say grief is a gift, because my brother's death really forced me to what happened was I pushed my husband away. He's older than me, 9 11 first responder chronically ill from 9 11. And my brain, consciously, said, Amanda, you don't ever have to feel that way again.

You're you're never gonna feel that pain, so we're just gonna kind of grieve him now. We're just gonna, like, end it all now, which is very much like me because I'm, like, the queen of efficiency.

I mean, it it's funny, but not funny. Yeah. Like, I I understand exactly what you're saying. Like, it's what makes total sense to me. There's nothing wrong with being wired. About that. Right? Like No. Not at all.

It's totally logical.

Right? Like, I'm ready to now do something. And I felt purpose. I felt like I needed to find my purpose. Right? I think a lot of people felt that during COVID.

Yes.

Right? It's like when it's taken away when you can't do something. Like, well, now I wanna go do something.

Exactly. Or reevaluate. This is not what I wanna be doing anymore. God forbid, if I have to do this for the rest of my life, I will not thrive. So what can I do different? I think COVID was a good catalyst for that.

Totally. In some way, it made us all question our mortality. Mhmm. You know, even if we weren't really at risk or whatever, the million people a million people actually died from COVID. I don't know if people realized it was that many, because some people don't believe it was real and stuff like that. But, like, a lot of people died from COVID. So just by having that amount of death around us, it was just the energy, it was just it made me question. Like, what am I doing with my life? And I know that I have a higher calling, and there's something that not that raising my children and all that isn't a higher calling, but, like, that was that's okay.

Now I wanna add something else in. That's the calling as well. Now what's the next you know, in this other sphere of my life? And, I was riding on the treadmill one day, and I just got hit with this knowing, this feeling of, you're going to write a book. You know, I'm an English major, journalism minor. You know, I was thinking about my education. I was thinking about what I'm passionate about. I was thinking about what I want to do in the world, what kind of difference I want to make, and the disconnection was of the and the division during COVID was really eating me up. I was really disturbed by it, and the election and all that.

And I believe my brother, or just spirit in general, just kind of came to me and was like, This is the way that you're going to be able to get this message of connection out, is through talking about what happened with you and your husband. So my book is very much about my marriage, and then I take it further out into, like, other relationships, and how we can live peacefully, and all that kind of stuff. And then the podcast started from that. Right? So it's just like all these different branches of things that started. And then with doing the podcast for a while, writing a blog, I have a blog on my my website, and then starting to, like, think about doing events and speaking and and kind of getting into that world. And now I'm studying to be a certified grief coach. I'll have that certification over the weekend. I'm hoping to take the test over the weekend.

And then, you know, I'm also into energy work. So now I've opened it's basically just about I've listened to my calling since I've been in Colorado.

I don't know if it's the nature. I don't know if it's the mountains. I don't know what it is. Or the freedom, because I'm not around a lot of friends and family who I might feel judged by. Or I might feel like, they know me as a certain person, so I'm not as free to change and really be who I truly am. Right?

Yes. I I love that. I I think yes to all of that. Thank you for sharing so much of your story. I'm just gonna hop in and interrupt because I I believe that once you you basically got a clean slate. You got a clean slate, and it didn't make any of your problems go away. It didn't make any of the challenges go away. It actually illustrated, highlighted some of the challenges, and it was like, alright, girl.

You're gonna have to deal with this. It's not going away. Yet it gave you the freedom to reconnect with your, you know, your divine self, with your intuition, to listen, to, you know, bring forward all of your gifts that have probably always been there just, you know, buried below the surface. And there is something magical about Colorado, that's why I've never left. I used to joke. I mean, I really I've I was gonna move away. I wanted to try something different. And every time I got close, it never worked out because there is just something magic.

And obviously, nature Mhmm. Is just the closer you can be connected to the spirit and the universe is so important to making that more clear as to what you should be doing, I think.

Yes. I love that. And, you know, whenever I'm presenting or talking or working with people, that's what I say. Your energy walks into the room before you do. It's your your presence. You don't have to say anything. Your energy will speak for you. And, you know, and that's what people always say that.

Right? They're like, oh, man. I just I love being around so and so because they have great energy, or I needed your energy today and, you know, all these things. So we say it, and it's the air we breathe, it's the water we swim in, but it is really kind of hard to, like, pinpoint it.

Yeah.

And I just think that's great, but now you get to dive into all that and chase all of these fun halves that you're interested in. It sounds like you're really taking care of yourself Mhmm. And learned how to nurture what you need and chase joy.

Yes. And allow myself to be in the joy. Like, I'm a person that I have to, like, really give myself permission. Like, I'm not cured. I'm not fully healed. You know? I don't know if we ever get there.

I don't think

there's, like, a there. You know? I'd say there's no sum of the personal development. It's just always ongoing. But, you know, I think that doing, you know, all that I've done has helped me to all that I'm doing is really helping me to stay really in tune with my true self and why I'm here. Right? Like, why am I here? I was always that person, like, in high school or college, especially when I would drink and do drugs. I would be like that that, like, philosophical, like, What are we doing here? I actually just said to my husband yesterday and I'm sober you know, I was like, We're so weird. Humans are just walking around doing stuff. Like, what, like, what are we doing here? Like, it's just this bigger existential question that I've always carried into my soul, but never really allowed to, like, come forth because I don't know.

Maybe I think it makes me weird or different or whatever. But, like, I think we live in a time now where a lot of these conversations, a lot of this stuff is becoming a lot more common and mainstream because we're all kind of desperate, I think. You know, people that are in pain, we're like, well, I've tried this, and that doesn't really work. And I've tried that, and that's in. Maybe it's all of it, you know, together. And then the energy healing piece is so important because everything that I've done and that I'm doing and that I will do, like, all roads are leading to, like, one place. And it is about healing our energy, so then we can help heal the planet. That's the whole deal.

That's the whole deal. That was the whole, like, propulsion behind my book, was I care about climate change. I care about, you know, things out in the world. And it's like, so why are we such a mess? It's such a mess because we're a mess inside. Yes. Because we are chaotic in here, so there's chaos out there.

Mhmm. Well, and everyone's in pain. Like you said, like, everyone's hurting something regardless of the divide, or what side, or what you believe, what you don't believe. At the root of it, the roots. You know? And for so many years, it's been this success, climb the ladder, make more money, have more stuff, more, more, more instead of getting to peeling, you know, before the the rocks got really big and really heavy, and now there's a lot more work to do. Yeah. Thank you for taking on the challenge.

Oh, you're welcome. And, yeah, I'd like to help people heal before they become these big boulders, you know, these big heavy things that then create all this chaos in your life, you know, divorces and failed relationships or alcoholism or gambling or addiction, you know, whatever it is. Right? That, like, just checking out. Right? Because I just can't deal. Right? Like, before we get to that point, you know, maybe when they're pebbles, maybe when little things have happened, and they had and we haven't just pushed them and stuffed them and stuffed them. Maybe if we deal with things when they're a little bit more manageable, we might not be, you know, cursing out the guy on the road who, you know, cut us off. You know, maybe we won't care because we're good inside, because we're like, poor guy, must be having a rough day.

Yeah. Exactly. It's that giving grace. It reminds me as you say that with the little pebbles. I had a guest a few months ago, and she was a restorative yoga teacher. And I love what she told me. She said that the beauty of restorative yoga is it teaches you to ask for what you need because you're in these poses for so long. So if you're uncomfortable, you have to say something or you're gonna remain uncomfortable.

And I was like, what a great metaphor for life. If the first time you're uncomfortable or you find the little pebble or stubble or something in your shoe for another metaphor, if you just dealt with it then instead of adapting around the pebble, It makes it easier to deal with more things. Again, it doesn't change anything. I mean, the the good and the bad life's gonna happen regardless if you're a willing participant or not. It's how you handle it that makes it a lot easier, the journey.

A 100% of the way that a lot of us have been taught in our generation, you know, we just have not really been given the tools because our parents weren't really given the tools and their parents weren't and their you know, so it's generational and really helps me to look at it that way. This goes back so far, right, to take the blame, to take the, you know, it's your fault. It helps me to find I don't even know if I need forgiveness at that point, because if they just didn't know, they didn't know.

Exactly.

But now we know. And now that's this is why the work that we're doing is so difficult, is because we are undoing, unlearning, breaking chains that are, like, millennia old, like, crazy old from, like, the beginning of time. Because certain survival traits, survival skills had to be in place to serve to survive back in the day.

Right. It makes sense. I I've started saying instead of generational trauma, I'm focusing on the generational gifts. What are the generational gifts that got me to where I am today? Because, yes, the trauma is the trauma, can't change that, but there's a also a very strong through line of resiliency and, you know, focusing on that. And that helps me parent better and be a better wife and reflect on all the disaster and chaos of the last 20 years of my life. Sure. Make it makes more sense and like, oh, okay. There's some power in that.

And not power, like power over in an unhealthy way, but it's maybe more empowering to realize that while I can't control much in life, there is quite a few gifts that I have control over.

A 100%. And what we focus on gets bigger. Right? So there's definite definite value in, like, yeah, you do the work, you heal your pain, but then what's next? Right? Like, focus on the good stuff, and that good stuff is going to get bigger in your perception. And you're gonna be happier, and you're gonna be able to step into the joy because you're not gonna be focusing and giving energy to all of this this pain. You know, like I said, like we said, this there's a time to feel. There's a time to do it, but we really don't need to stay in it that long. We really don't. Some people I feel like make a career out of, like, being in pain.

And Right. It's not gonna help. I love that you said that because that is so huge. I mean, I've been given so many so many gifts.

Yes. Yes. I I mean, and challenges are still gifts. You know, I guess it's not all rainbows and unicorns. That's not life. And that's I think that would be quite boring, to be honest. Yeah. And maybe that's just a trauma informed response.

But I'm like I mean, I like a little challenge every once in a while, and, you know, I don't want no one wants everything to be perfect because number 1, you don't learn anything. Yep. It's you know, there's no lesson in perfection. And I mean, I guess the lesson is nothing is perfect. So there's sorry, everyone.

No. Yeah. Sorry to break it to you.

Yeah. Be the bearer of bad news. Yeah. So I know and I will link everything in the show notes, but you mentioned you wrote a book, and writing is a tool that you use Mhmm. To help process and kind of get clarity. I'm making that leap, I'm assuming.

Yes.

Because I I feel I'm the same way. Like, I have to write my way through things. Mhmm. So how are you helping people with that aspect of healing and getting kind of unstuck through writing?

Well, I'm doing a workshop tomorrow night that is is about, addressing our limiting beliefs and kind of getting to the root cause of why we've been carrying these things for so long, where they came from the truth of them, if they're really even hours to carry, you know, or have we adapted somebody else's story or we took on somebody else's pain or or we, you know, were taught something as a result of just displaced emotion. You know? And then once you, like, identify that, then we get to create a new story. Then we say, all right. You know, I mean, there's you know, somebody told me a long time ago, like, if if something wasn't serving me, I would get rid of it immediately. So even if we say this is causing me pain, or I don't like this, there is some part of that either it's keeping you safe, it's keeping you in the familiar, it's, you know, whatever whatever it might be. If you really get honest with yourself, you could see how you kept this belief because it was working for you in some way. We have to get to the point of like, I got to get rid of that. I don't need that need to be filled anymore.

I'm going to fill it another way. I don't need that belief to fill this need. I can now do it in this way or just within myself. Usually, it's coming to a sense of self worth, dealing with feelings of inadequacy, stuff like that. That's just, like, gone. That that need is gone, so you don't need to hold on to that belief anymore.

And you make space for new beliefs. I I'm reminded it was a therapist that told my son this during COVID. She said, thoughts are not facts. And I've heard it before since, but I was like, wow, that blew my mind of like, oh, man. That makes sense. It's hard to tell the ego that because that's that's its job is to say, no. These these are facts. This is the world as I know it.

But you can change your thoughts, and your brain doesn't know the difference. Exactly. And we say in recovery,

we say feelings aren't facts. Oh. So because it's the same thing. A thought then creates some kind of emotion, which then creates a feeling. So it's based the same line of of processing something that's going on in your life. And if you allow it to turn into a feeling, like the thought isn't facts, is great because you could shut it down at the thought, right, and not believe it and switch the thoughts.

So it never turns into a feeling. But the truth is, don't believe

everything that you feel. You know? And, feeling. Mhmm. But the truth is, don't believe everything that you feel. You know?

My kids would be in a broken broken family, you know, which, you know and I'm not saying everybody's supposed to stay married. Definitely not. I mean, it just happened to work out for us. But I would not have grown more than staying married. I would not have had this whole beautiful, just coming home to my self, remembering who I truly am, and honoring who I truly am. You know, if I didn't have to go through that, if I trusted everything, I would have just stayed. I would have went somewhere else and created the same problem. I would have won't be with me.

Alright.

Well, it it's that trust but verify. Yes. You can trust, but let's do a little research and, you know, use that logic. Like, it's a it's a blend of your logic and your intuition and, you know, like finding the strengths in both for that very reason. How does grief play into limiting beliefs? Or how are they connected?

So like I was saying, so holding on to something even though it's not working out for you and it's causing you some pain or whatever is serving you in some way, letting go of that belief is going to come with some loss. If I have to get honest about, you know, how a dysfunctional relationship is actually serving me some way, if I get honest about that very often, I'm probably going to, either create space in that relationship or end that relationship, change that relationship, that dynamic somehow. And that's naturally going to create a feeling of loss. So when I talk about grief, I don't just talk about people dying. You know, people think it's a pet, it's a person, or a divorce. Those are like the 3 main losses that we look at in life. But loss comes in so many ways. Right? Like, if I have the limiting belief of, like, I have to stay in New York, I have to stay where I'm living because that's just what you do.

Nobody leaves. Once you're in, you can't get out like the firm. You're just in. There's Oh, it's California. Yeah. You know? Like, why? People would be like, why? Why would you go to Colorado? And I'm like, you've never been there. If you've been there, if you go there, you'll understand. But, if I kept myself safe in that and just kept that limiting belief going that this is all there is for me or whatever.

I mean, I could have had a spiritual journey in New York too. It may have been a little bit more difficult just based on the circumstances of what goes on there, society there and here. Once I get honest with myself and say, You know what? No. That's limiting. And I'm going to, like, I'm going to let that go, and I'm going to take a leap of faith, and I'm going to go do something and take a risk. There's loss there. I had major loss after I moved here. It was my first my second emotional breakdown in recovery was a year after we moved.

I had a loss of identity. I didn't know who I was. I was just like I had no idea that I was so caught up in being a New Yorker and the friends that I had there. And I think that just happens anywhere. Right? You grow up somewhere. You become enmeshed and a part of your community. Right? The stores you shop in. It's a comfort it's a level of comfort of knowing that you could probably drive to the supermarket with your eyes closed.

Right? Things like that, that just are second nature, and we become very comfortable in. So it all goes back to loss for me. That's why I'm focusing on grief, and I'm trying to, you know, start this grief coaching business in a few months, because I want people to try to understand that maybe the person who died is the catalyst for then recognizing the way grief is affecting your life in all these other ways. Right? And that is and like he said, it can then propel you into a renewed sense of purpose, or a new purpose, or whatever a whole new life, a whole new you So to honor the grief and the loss, and that comes by really having to break these limiting beliefs of, this is just how I've always thought my whole life, and I got to get honest about where it's coming from, how it's serving me, or we're getting honest that it's not even mine to carry. And then that could feel like betrayal, too. Right? Like if you feel like, yeah, no, that's my mom's. That's not mine. Yep.

That's not mine. Then it feels like betrayal when you're not codependent with that person, you know, being responsible for their emotions and all that kind of stuff. So, yeah, there's just inherent risk of loss that's going to come when you drop these limiting beliefs.

Yes. And I think so as you're talking, I remember it's been about 9 years ago. I went to a grief workshop, and I went because I was in the middle of a nasty divorce. So I was like, alright. I'm gonna grieve my divorce. That was the last thing I was grieving by the time the workshop was over, and it actually plummeted me to what I like to call the crawl space of rock bottom. I realized there was so much other stuff that I never processed that, like, the divorce was not the priority at that point. It was everything else underneath it, and it was there was so much loss and disequilibrium.

And so it also put me in a place where I had to change. I had to make a change, and I did. And it took years to crawl out of that dark hole and get in a better space, and I would never change it. I'm grateful that it happened. But to your point, it would have been really nice to learn about grief in the way you just explained it long before I had a breakdown.

Yeah. And it really all goes back to childhood. Right? Like every therapist you speak to, everybody in the mental health profession is going to tell you it all stems from childhood. That's where these beliefs start. That's where Yep. Right? The root of these beliefs typically is in childhood somewhere.

Mhmm.

And then we just carry it, and it grows, and it compounds by events, and it's like, see, they're right. See, that's you know, and then it becomes true at some point. Right? And then it just feels so heavy to get out from under. So if you can get honest about what your childhood was like and what you went through, you know, and again, looking at the pain and also the good stuff because there was plenty of good stuff, and I'm speaking from my own childhood. But just getting honest about that and then saying, like, yeah. Like, I've carried this with me for 30, 40, 50 years. You know, it's time. It's time to drop it.

It's time to let it go.

Yep. Set it down. And and then now you've created space for magic. That's you've created space for the new, the unknown. And while the unknown might be scary, it's also beautiful and exciting. And it's, again, how you frame it. So thank you for sharing all that. How has your recovery and you being sober and the 12 steps influenced your work?

A lot of my book, if you were in recovery, in any 12 step recovery, you will be able to and I I talk about in the book too, and I credit, you know, recovery for different ideas and and concepts that I talk about in my book. But it's very clear that, what I've learned there, the principles that I live by, they are just guiding forces in my life. And I apply those principles that we learn in the program to stay sober to other areas of of my of my life. And that became sort of the basis. Even the way I wrote the book, it was interesting. I didn't realize this. Somebody, a friend good friend of mine, read it, And she said, Do you realize you wrote it like it's something called the big book. That's what we call our literature.

She goes, Do you realize that you wrote it like the big book? Like the problem, or the story, the problem, the solution? It's not the same sort of dynamic, or it was my story, yeah, and then the problem, and the issue, and then the solution. And that's exactly how the book is written. It starts with Bill's story, and it just goes on. And I was like, I didn't even know that. But I've been doing this and reading that book for so long you know Right. That it's, like, in here, and it just kind of came out, like, you know, unconscious.

You embodied it.

Yeah. I I actually I have. You know, we call it a design for living. It's something that, like, it's just how I live. So when an issue comes up or I'm feeling something, I take it I don't I don't, like, consciously do that. And I'll say, okay, now I'm going to go work on step 2. Or, you know, sometimes I'll do a 4th step, which is writing, writing about it, and then sharing it in 5 or whatever. But it's interwoven.

The steps are sort of interwoven in my life, and how I process, and how I live, and again, just the principles that I try to live by.

Mhmm. And

And I really think it's evident in my book that that's the it's just the basis for how that thing how it was born. It just came out very naturally without me saying, oh, I'm gonna base it off of that or, you know, just happened.

You've been here for 9 years now. You've had this great awakening. Your girls, your kids are getting older. How do you continue to nourish yourself aside from chasing your purpose? What do you do to take care of yourself so that you don't get burned out?

It's a very good question, and it's something that I have to thank you for asking that because that's something that I have to really focus on as things just keep ramping up. Like, I told myself, like, I'm not gonna do anything this summer. I'm not gonna say yes to anything else. I'm not gonna, you know, take on anything else. But things that I'm doing, I'm trying to push off to, like, the fall. But and then I'm doing this, like, whole grief coaching thing, which is actually pretty easy. It's it's an online, it's, like, self directed program. But anyway, meditation is huge.

If I can meditate in the morning and do some breath work, I've been doing pattern breath work, not just sitting here breathing. I'm doing breath of fire and then holding and holding at the top and at the bottom. I'm doing resetting the nervous system. That's the deal for me. It's all about know, I wake up in the morning. I don't know how you wake up, but I wake up a little anxious. I wake up a little, like, not right. And I don't know if it's from dreaming.

I'm a very vivid dad. A lot of vivid dreams. I don't know. But the resetting first thing in the morning really gives me energy. Like, I didn't sleep well last night, but you probably wouldn't be able to tell because I just did breath work before I got on with you. Because I was like, I need to do something to get some pep on my step. So it the breath work, the meditation, and then, running. I I run.

I haven't run-in the past 6 weeks because I tore a ligament, and that was it's killing me, like the, not being able to run. I'm not in pain, but it's Right. I'm gonna try the end of this week and see how it works. We'll take it slow. But, yeah, take it slow. That's the other thing. I'm gonna run it like 5.0 today, and then

I'm like, that's a walk. That's what taking it slow means. That's a walk for me. Yes. Yes. Even if someone was chasing me, I'd fight them before I ran. But that's just a that's a runner. That's great.

Yeah. No. Running, it's I'm addicted to it really is all it is. I'm not like this. Oh, I'm so health conscious and then, you know, strong. It's I'm addicted to the endorphins. I mean

Man, I've never caught them. As much as I've tried running, I've never had that running.

You've never had that on your side?

Nope. I am usually like, please make the pain stop. This is awful. My lungs are on fire. Don't know if my legs are gonna continue to work anymore. I I don't know. I I'm falling apart. And I'm doing it purposely.

And I don't I don't run outside. I mean, very rarely, I'll get, like, really inspired and, like, wanna push myself. But especially where I live, the neighborhood's very hilly, and this altitude, it's really it's just it's hard. It's really hard. So my yes. My lungs hurt, like, at the end of the day later in that day, I'm coughing. But so I run on my treadmill, and I run, like, 3 miles. I'm not, like, a I did a half marathon years ago, but I'm not, like, a big crazy runner.

But I run enough to get what I need. Yeah. And it also opens me up. I mean, while I was again, I got hit with that knowing I'm going to write a book while I was running, and then I had all these meditative for me. I connect. I look at the trees. I listen to music, the drumming, whatever it is. I'm in a flow, in another space.

And then I eat plant based. I think that helps me a lot to keep my inflammation low Mhmm. So that I can keep running, because I have bursitis in my hip. And I'll tell you, for the people who don't believe, and this is not for everybody. It's not everybody is different. But the bursitis went away.

Yeah. I have bursitis in my hip, and my diet changed it. And when I slide and eat garbage, it comes right back. Like, hey. Still here.

Still here. Yep. A 100%. I'm glad to hear that you've had that experience too. Yeah. It works for me. So, yeah. So I eat healthy.

I exercise. I try to get out in the sun, you know, maybe 5, 10 minutes sitting in the sun a day, get the vitamin D shot, spend time with my kids, you know, my husband. Yeah. So just trying to stay well rounded and balanced, if I even can. I mean, I I I mean, I struggle with it a lot. Like, I'm on my computer too much. We all are. Yeah.

I just we just keep coming back to, just kind of resetting, getting in you know, and it happens in the morning. Centering in the morning with that meditation. I'll tell you I'm a different person when I walk in when I walk out of that room. When I walk in, I walk in like a little disgruntled. And I walk out, and I'm like, free, and everything's great, and I love everybody. And, you know, for like an hour until then something happens, and then they have to be

like, okay, Amanda. Back to the meditation room. Fresh back. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. And I think, you know, it's a common theme of all the guests I interview women. And we all we collectively as women say the same thing. Like, yes, self care is important.

Nope. It's not something I'm perfect at. Yes. I wanna do more of it. But I think it's that awareness, and everyone does it a little differently. So for those of you listening, it's okay to not knock it out of the park every day, and it's okay to be perfectly imperfect with it. It's the awareness that you're lacking it or you need more of it or I don't think there's ever too much of it. But, you know, that you're doing great and that you're being present.

I think that's the you know, what I'm hearing you say, you're focused on being present, not living in the past or, you know, the I call it my, you know, monkey mind starts spinning about everything bad that's gonna happen in the future, which we know is not helpful. So, yeah, it just gets you grounded. So if anything, that's what self care does. It just gets you grounded.

Yeah. That's when I feel the best. And I think that's why we all feel good when we're out in nature because we're really, like, there. Very often, we're there.

Yes. Yes. The first time I tried forest bathing, I don't know if you've heard of that before. I have, but I don't know what it is. I had no idea what it was. We were going away on a yoga retreat, me and some girlfriends. And they said, you know, we're gonna be forest bathing. And I'm like, are we gonna need swimsuits? Is this gonna be some weird, like, we're all getting naked together? I had no idea.

Turns out, it's just sitting quietly in nature. It is powerful and that simple. So we did it on the way home too. Like, we're like, let's go do some more forest bathing, because it was beautiful. Good. Yep. It did. It it it was just as good as a nice hot bath. So

Yeah.

Thank you for sharing everything. How can my listeners find you? I'll link everything in the show, but here's your opportunity to the best way to connect with you.

Sure. So, probably Instagram or my website. It's both Amanda McKoy Flanagan, and that's McKoy with a k. Everything is Amanda McKoy Flanagan. You can message me. You can email me, amanda@amandamckoyflanagan. You'll find everything on my website that you need to know, links to everything, events, podcasts, blogs. And then when my grief coaching program is ready, I'll have it up there too.

And Yeah. And then eventually, I'll be doing, you know, giving medium readings and stuff like that, and doing some more psychic work. So if you're interested in that too, stay in touch.

Yes. I can't wait. I'm signing up as soon as I can.

Yes. Awesome.

Thank you. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for giving us your time.

Thank you for having me, Diane. This was this was awesome. I hope it was helpful for for some of you out there. So thank you.

Another great conversation. Thank you for giving the valuable gift of your time and listening to The Fire Inside Her podcast. Speaking of value, one of the most common potholes we fall into on the journey to authenticity is not recognizing our value. So, I created a workbook. It's all about value. Head on over to thefireinsideher.com/value to get your free workbook that will help you remember your value. Until next time, my friend.