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Welcome to The Fire Inside Her. A brave space to share stories of navigating life transitions with authenticity, using our inner fire to light the way, and self care as our loyal travel companion. I'm your host, Diane Schroeder, and I'm so grateful you are here.

Welcome back to another episode of The Fire Inside Her. Today's conversation is inspiring to me because of the vulnerability and honesty that my guest, Misty Laboy shares. Misty and I dive into the importance of self love, the power of internal happiness, and the gift of radical honesty. She shares her experience in a polyamorous relationship and the positive lessons post COVID. And she is a believer in the significance of communication, boundaries, and authenticity in fostering fulfilling connections. Misty opens up about her transformative journey to authenticity, from feeling unfulfilled in her career and life to a spiritual awakening that transformed her perspective on self care and self worth. Through our candid discussion, Misty advocates for prioritizing yourself, particularly highlighting the challenges faced by women and mothers. Finally, we explore the impact of social media on self perception, the necessity of inner beauty, and the role of self care practices.

Misty's story of finding love within herself and her decision to leave a full time job to start her own self love coaching business is so courageous. So prepare for an episode filled with wisdom on self acceptance, setting boundaries, embracing your true self and infinite love. And if you want a quick kickstart audio on remembering your value, head on over to thefireinsideher.com/value to receive your free audio. Let's dive in. Hi friends. Today, we are gonna talk about self love and being beautiful from the inside out. And I'm really excited to have my guest, Misty Laboy, to join in on the conversation. Misty, how are you doing today?

I'm I'm doing awesome. I'm excited to be here. Thank you, Diane, for the opportunity to, speak to your listeners.

Absolutely. Well, my ice breaker question for you would be, tell me about your favorite childhood meal.

Favorite childhood meal? It was always pizza. Pizza on Fridays. I think it's still pizza.

Yes. Yes.

Not not just on Fridays. No.

I could eat pizza every night and not feel bad about it.

Yes. Definitely.

Perfect. Do you have a favorite kind of pizza?

I like meat on my pizza. So pepperoni, bacon, sausage. Mhmm. But I don't discriminate. I eat all kinds of pizza. I love my pizza. Everyone that knows me knows that pizza is my favorite thing.

That is fantastic. I could not agree more. And my son would say the same. If anytime I ask him, what do you feel like eating tonight? Pizza is always the first answer.

Can't go wrong with pizza.

Exactly. Perfect. Well, thank you so much. And I guess I would love for you to share a little bit about your journey and why you adopted the beauty from the inside out and kind of what what puts you on the path that you're on now?

Yes. I'd be happy to share. So I graduated from college with an art degree and, had trouble finding a teaching job right out of college. And I got introduced to network marketing at a very young age way before, you know, it was popular. And, I started selling cosmetics as a way to put myself through college and to make extra money. And I quickly rose to the ranks in that company and and did really well. And I loved helping women feel beautiful. So I loved sharing makeup tips and and offering them products that would make them feel beautiful.

So that was kinda how I got involved in makeup. And after about 10 years of being in that networking company, I kinda got burned out. And it was a great opportunity for me to be a stay at home mom while I did it. But after the kids got older and we're in school, I thought, you know, I I need to find something else. And that led me into weight loss. I tried some amazing products and I lost £65 using them. And I just started sharing what I was doing with other women. And it just became another avenue for me to help women transform.

Mhmm. And about 3 years ago, I was feeling unfulfilled. And I was just kind of feeling like I was never gonna be truly fulfilled, truly happy. Like, something was missing in my life. I had checked all the boxes. You know, I got married and got a house and graduated from college and and had 2.5 kids, did all the things. You know, I had a successful business, but I still just felt like something was missing. And I wasn't sure what that was.

I was beginning to question whether there was something wrong with me, you know, whether I was ever truly going to be happy. And, you know, when the pandemic hit, like, so many of us, I had the opportunity to do some introspection and reflection and spend some time alone. And that led me down a path of self love. You know, what I found was self acceptance and self love. And I realized that that void that I was filling could only be filled with self love. And I was feeling really called to teach people how to love, but didn't know what that looked like. And I realized that no matter how many women I helped transform form externally, you know, with makeup and with weight loss, until they get that internal piece right, you know, something will always be missing. And for me, it made all the difference.

Thank you for sharing. And, yes, I feel like we could be at a sermon right now because that is so true, and it's a beautiful way to describe the process. It's gotta start on the inside, and, otherwise, it's just a void. You know? I tried to fill my void with shopping. I still do sometimes.

Yeah. Or maybe it was eating and shopping and then alcohol, but nothing quite, you know, quite worked. Nothing like self love.

So what did you do? What were some of the first steps that you took after you had this realization that, something's missing. I need to love myself. What did that look like?

So being in the beauty industry, you know, I I looked like I had it all together from the outside. And I liked what I saw in the mirror, especially after losing £65 and and keeping it off. You know, I felt good. I I looked in the mirror. I liked what I saw. And to me, I thought that was self love. Mhmm. And I would say to myself, I do love myself because I like the way I looked.

But deep down, I realized that there were parts of me that I was keeping hidden. And I felt like, you know, I was wearing a mask. Yes, we all were wearing masks, but you know, I was wearing a mask. Yes. We all were wearing mask, but that's not the kind of mask that I was talking about. I felt like I was keeping parts of myself hidden because I thought if people knew the real me, if they knew what really was going on, you know, they wouldn't love me. They wouldn't accept me. And I started to feel like I was living a double life.

And it was starting to wear on me. At the time, I my husband and I had decided to open our marriage. And that was also something that I had to keep hidden because what would people think if they knew.

Right.

And it just, you know, after doing that for a few years, I just felt like I was sick and tired of being who they wanted me to be and not being authentic and true to myself. And I had to get radically honest with myself. And that led me down a path of kind of digging deeper and a spiritual awakening, I started kind of finding out why I am the way I am and, you know, what makes me tick and, you know, it started with, like, personality tests and things like that, and and it got deeper into attachment, theories, and childhood trauma and abandonment wounds and and all this stuff came up. And the more I learned about myself, the more I was able to fully accept myself and and fully give myself that love that was missing.

That is that is beautiful. And I will tell you, you're saying all of, you know, your experience and parts of your story, and I'm like, yep. I I can recall moments in my life where I was like, man, I need to I need to dig deeper and find out the why so that I can be fully present and bring that forward to the world because the world deserves to see all of me, just like deserves to see all of you. I don't know if your experience is similar, but I found it to be really freaking hard and messy. Like, it is not an easy path to go to those really dark corners of our lives. Did you experience the same? Was it challenging?

It it was, and it was lonely at times. You know, I felt like no 1 would understand. You know, I felt like no 1 was going through what I was going through. And, of course, I wasn't talking about it with people or sharing it with anyone because I still was feeling like no 1 would understand, no 1 would accept accept it. And for me, getting radically honest I had to get radically honest with myself first before I could get radically honest with others. And, you know, that started with self acceptance. And for me, self acceptance was accepting the good, the bad, the ugly, all of it. And I couldn't fully love myself until I fully accepted myself.

Mhmm. And what I found was when I fully accepted myself and owned all my shit, it took the power away. No 1 could use it against me. Mhmm. You know, no 1 could say anything to hurt me because I had already owned it. If it was true about myself, I owned it. And, you know, then I was able to start having honest conversations with my husband about, you know, even secrets that I had kept hidden from him. And, you know, opening up to him, you know, I had I had fears of abandonment and I thought, you know, if he really knew he would leave me.

And, you know, we had this honest leave me. And, you know, we had this honest conversation, and I said, you know, I feel like I need to to share this stuff with you and kinda laid it all out there and, you know, and and included infidelity and and things like that. And, you know, I got done and he said, is that all? I was like, yes. He said, okay. I can handle that. That's nothing that we can't work through. And it was just this cry of relief. Like, he really did does love me unconditionally.

Yes. And

I would imagine that there were probably some people in your life as you became more, you know, owning all of your stuff and radically honest with yourself and everyone else that they were like, maybe not. And that was probably for the best in the long run too. Was it?

Yeah. It was it was repelling to some people, I struggled with that. I lost some people and I had to recognize that I didn't really lose them because they weren't for me anyway. You know, they were friends with me because of who they wanted me to be, who they thought I was. Mhmm. And, you know, those people just kinda I like to say they vibrated out. We were, you know, vibrating at different levels and, you know, some people didn't care for the radical honesty. But, ultimately, for me, I was self abandoning by not being honest with myself and with others.

Absolutely. And I think it's easy to say it. Right? It's easy to be like, just just be honest with yourself. Just love yourself, accept yourself, and then you can accept everyone else and move on. It's not a checkbox. It's definitely not linear. I think it's a process like grief. I always say the universe is always like, alright.

Here's another lesson. You didn't learn it completely, and so we're gonna or we're gonna test you to see if you're really sure about this. Does that happen with you as well?

Yeah. And, you know, at first, it was frustrating. But once I realized that, you know, there was patterns. And once I owned my part and took full responsibility for where I was in life based on the decisions that I made and stopped blaming everyone else and just kinda owned my part in it, you know, that that made a huge difference for me.

How was the trickle it down effect with your family, with your husband, with your kids? Like, was it did they see this transformation in you and were like, oh, wow. Mom's got it going on now. This is this is awesome. Or was it like, what is going on with mom?

I think at first, it was a little confusion because along with with, you know, recognizing those cycles, I had to break some of the toxic habits and the toxic cycles and realize, like, okay, I keep getting presented with this lesson like you said, and I need to do something different. If I want something different, I'm gonna keep getting more of the same. So I recognized that I was a people pleaser, which, you know, wasn't the healthiest thing. So when I started setting boundaries and not people pleasing and started choosing myself first, Some people were irritated by that. Some people were put off by that, you know, saying I changed, which I did change. It wasn't it wasn't necessarily for the bad, but it was different, and it took some adjusting.

I agree. That's such a game changer just to set boundaries with people and say no and not have to deal with that anymore. And I think you teach people how to treat you, and boundaries become this guardrail of, like, nope. You're not gonna treat me like this anymore. And if they have a problem with it, that's probably something they need to investigate, not you. And I think, you know, I wish that, especially for women, people pleasers, I'm a recovering people pleaser, and I think that it would be great to teach young girls this skill set early in life. Like, I didn't need a home ec class when I was in middle school. I needed a boundary setting class.

Right.

And probably like a financial literacy class, if I'm being prepared.

To be a great class.

me. Yeah.

Figuring that up. Up. See, I don't think that the timing of the pandemic was an accident when all of this happened because I think we were all forced to be, you know, with our thoughts. It was a really scary kind of uncomfortable time, and the world changed. What I hear all the time, and I guess I don't hear it as much anymore, is I just can't wait for things to get back to the way it was before the pandemic, before, you know, get back to normal. And I'm like, it's been 4 years. It's not gonna go back to the way it was, and I think that's okay as well. What are your thoughts on, like, pre pandemic world versus now?

I think a lot of good actually came out of the pandemic. It's just like any life lesson when you're in it. You know, it's hard and you you can't see the light. And, you know, when you get to the other side, you can look back and be like, okay. Wow. A lot of good things did come out of the pandemic. For me, I entered into a polyamorous relationship, which means I have a husband and a boyfriend, which a lot of people were not, supportive of. But for me, it's been, you know, it's brought amazing joy to my life.

Learning how to set boundaries has been a game changer for me. It really changed the my relationship with my parents and with my children as well. So when I look back and think, you know, I it was the pandemic was tough for me, especially as a a very social person. Mhmm. You know, not being able to be social was was really, really stressful and really depressing. Yeah. So I have to to overcome that. But looking back, I I think, you know, in a lot of ways, we are better off because of the pandemic.

It enabled a lot of people to work from home, which I think was so needed. Mhmm.

Yes. Just a change. I think it was just 1 big forced change and most It

forced it forced growth.

Yeah. Forced change and growth in a in very uncomfortable rapid succession, and it pushed a lot of people out of their comfort zone for sure. And so going back, I just I'm curious, and thank you for sharing that you're in a polyamorous relationship. How do boundaries impact your relationship with your husband and your boyfriend? How does that, you know, how has your growth and self development kind of helped you blossom into having 2 relationships? And I'm just really curious how that works.

Yeah. I mean, it definitely made me become a much better communicator

Mhmm.

And, advocate for my own needs and, you know, speak up because, you know, what happens when you don't, it creates resentment, and resentment is never good in any relationship. So going back to to getting radically honest, you know, I remember telling my husband, I want a boyfriend. Mhmm. And he said, how about a girlfriend?

Of course.

Right. You know, and it it wasn't easy. You know, I think people see us now when they think, wow. You know, like, how that happened. But it was a process and it forced a lot of growth on us. And and we had to we did have to set boundaries, but more importantly, we had to get good at communicating and, you know, talking about things open and honestly like jealousy and and things like that because, you know, we're human. Of course, those things came up.

Mhmm. And does your husband have a girlfriend?

He does not currently have a girlfriend, but he dates women.

Mhmm.

I think his plate's kinda full with his job and and with me and and our daughter. So I I think he doesn't have the bandwidth for a girlfriend.

Right. And that's good recognition because I can imagine not recognizing that you have the capacity to add more. Mean, this is, you know, girlfriend or work or whatever in life, then it leads to burnout and shutdown and probably a cycle that isn't healthy. Right. Fascinating. And so how has all of this helped you on your journey to becoming the most authentic? Your journey to authenticity.

So for me, you know, getting radically honest and taking that mask off, and I was always very public. I was always a social media influencer, but I kept a lot of parts hidden. Mhmm. And I found the more vulnerable and open I was, the more true to myself. I was attracting different people, you know, the right kind of people, a support system. You know, I found the whole community of people just like me and was able to connect and and help others. And, you know, I think on a daily basis, someone reaches out to me and says, thank you. Thank you for being honest.

Thank you for being authentic. Thank you for sharing your journey. I've been following you. And even if they don't, I don't wanna say approve, but even if they don't think it's for them, they still appreciate that I'm vulnerable to share and that I stay true to myself. You know, I I tell my clients all the time that even after losing £65, the best weight I've ever lost was the opinion of others.

Ugh. Amen.

And when you genuinely stop caring about what other people think and really just focus on what you think because that's what matters the most. Mhmm. You know, your life will begin to change and you will be at peace and you will have this freedom and joy like you've never experienced before.

I could not agree more. And, you know, I think just on the journey that I've been on over the years, it's I've learned, you know, to let go of judgment. That's why I'm always curious. I always wanna know more. I'm always like, tell me more. Explain this to me in a way because I don't, I'm not familiar with it, and I think having that mindset has definitely opened my eyes and changed my, you know, opinions and views of the world, and has absolutely made me more accepting of myself and of other people. And I think it's made me a better mom and partner. I don't know.

I'd have to ask the boys. But, you know, like, just just coming to that place, and I think what you said about, you know, being a social media influencer about hiding, I feel like enough people don't do that. They don't become honest and vulnerable and say, like, alright. This is the whole story, and it creates this unrealistic expectation of what life should be like when you follow people on social media.

Yeah. Absolutely. And I I find with working with women, you know, social media can be detrimental. You know, you have this comparison. And, I mean, statistics show that women the more time that women spend on social media, the more likely they are to be depressed and have issues. Yes. You know, you've heard it before that, you know, comparison is the thief of all joy and it's so true because you're comparing their highlight reel to your everyday life. You know, you're comparing their strengths to your weaknesses, and it really is self sabotage.

Absolutely. I could not agree more with that. So thank you for being honest to that and owning that. And, again, it's all part of your journey. So what does your self care routine look like now? Is it different than when you were focused primarily on the outside now that you've got, like, the combination of both? How does that look for you in a normal day? How do you make sure you prioritize yourself?

I'm glad that you brought out self care because it it's so important. You know, you've all heard self care is not selfish. But, unfortunately, many of us were not raised that way. You know, we were raised that it was selfish and that we had to put everyone first. And I think especially as mothers, you know, you are always trying to put your children and your family first. But it's kind of like that, the oxygen mask on the airplane, you know, you have to put yours on first before you can take care of others. You know, we as women have to take care of ourselves first so that we can give our best to others. Mhmm.

And after getting out of a toxic relationship, I took that time that I had invested in that relationship and started really investing it into myself. And I became a much happier person. I started, you know, spending more time doing the things that I love, saying yes to the things that brought me joy, and saying no to the things that didn't. And as a people pleaser, you know how hard it is to say no to people. And, you know, my best friend told me once, Misty, no is a complete sentence. You don't have to explain yourself to others. And that was a hard lesson for me to learn because I felt bad. I had so much guilt about saying no to people, and I found myself overscheduled, giving and doing and I wasn't getting it in return.

So part of that self care was, you know, giving myself the love and attention that I was trying to get from other people. And, you know, not seeking external validation and realizing that happiness is an inside job and really doing that for myself.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Yes. And isn't it fun to just focus on yourself and spoil yourself and give you what you want? Yes. Absolutely. So are there things that you do to take care of yourself that kind of tie back to when you were a kid or a teenager? And I ask, for example, I am addicted to sneakers and, like, Nikes and different kinds of fun Nike shoes, and so much of that fills my inner child's cup. Are there things that you do to take care of yourself that fill your younger versions of you?

Yes. Definitely. I love to dance. You know, even at 46 years old, I still get out and dance probably 2 or 3 times a month. Mhmm. Yeah. Know, it is a priority to me, but I definitely feel very connected to my inner child when I'm dancing. I also have always loved art.

And, you know, even doing makeup to me that that's a form of art and expression, so that fills my cup as well.

Perfect. Thank you for sharing that. Is there any advice that you would give them, I mean, about how to navigate radical honesty with themselves, about, you know, maybe how to approach it with their partners or friends. Like, how is it to just go all in, or do you kind of test the waters a little bit? How how does that happen?

For me, I I had to go all in. And, you know, I heard someone say once that you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Really, you know, self advocating and speaking from your heart and sharing your truth, you know, if they know you, genuinely know you, and they know your intentions, you're not going to offend them.

Very, very well said. I love that. I'm going to steal that and credit you for that, but you can't say the wrong thing to the right person.

That is

that is sage advice for sure. As we kind of wrap up this conversation, what is the accomplishment that you are most proud of over the last 5 years?

That's a good question. The thing I'm most proud of is leaving my full time job to start my own business and, you know, go all in with my business. My husband noticed that I was much happier. It was a side business, and I was a much happier person when I was doing that side business than opposed to doing my full time business. And he he, you know, he noticed a difference in my mood, in my vibe, in my attitude, everything. And he was just like, I noticed you're much happier when you're doing that. And I was like, I I am. I really am.

You we've all heard when you do what you love, you've never worked a day in your life. And Yes. There's truth to that. You know, when I am coaching, when I'm self love coaching, I don't do it for the money. I do it because it brings me so much joy and fulfillment because I know it's helping women on a much needed deeper level. There are so many women out there who don't they don't recognize that they don't have self love or self worth. You know, I think at at the core, everyone has self worth issues. They don't realize it or they think, you know, oh, it's not a big deal.

It's not, you know, it's not important. I have all these other things that are important or they don't want to invest in themselves or spend the time. And and and some of them are afraid just to dig deeper. Mhmm. It has changed my life in so many ways, and I see there's such a need for it. Mhmm. That I I just feel so called to teach people to love. And even in my polyamorous journey, you know, so many people are like, you know, I could never do that, you know, or or or, you know, you're married.

You know, why would you do that? And love is an abundant resource. Yes. And it's just like with children. I have 3 children. When I had my first child, I thought I could never love another baby the way I love this baby. And I remember even being nervous my second pregnancy thinking, what if I don't feel the same way? You know? And and I had that baby and I loved him just as much but differently. Mhmm. And the same with my daughter just as much but differently.

You know, we are capable of of infinite love. Mhmm. And, you know, even at a very young age, I felt like, why do I have to choose 1 person? You know, there's millions of people in this world. Why do I just choose 1? To me, it just didn't make sense. And, you know, as I've matured and gotten older, I've recognized that it's an unrealistic expectation to think that 1 person's going to meet all of your needs. Absolutely. And reason why we have more than 1 friend. Mhmm.

And, you know, so sharing with people about polyamory, you know, it it's a beautiful thing, you know. Me having a boyfriend takes nothing away from my husband. In fact, it has actually made our relationship stronger and our honesty, communication, our intimacy even better. So it's enriched our relationship.

That is fantastic. I'm so happy to hear that. And talking about self love, how can my audience find you with they wanna know more? I'll put everything in the show notes, of course, and where you know? But what what spaces are you hanging out with that or hanging out in that they can find you?

Yeah. So you can find me on Facebook and Instagram under Misty Laboy. And my website's really easy as well. It's mistylaboy.com. And, on there, I currently keeping you from fully loving yourself. I find that most women fall into keeping you from fully loving yourself. I find that most women fall into 4 categories. Mhmm.

And quiz will give you an in-depth, report of what's keeping you from fully loving and accepting yourself and, you know, additional resources to support you.

Awesome. Everyone, go check it out. I was nosing around on your website a little earlier, to get some research. So, yes, thank you so much for sharing that. And, Misty, thank you for giving us your time today and sharing your wisdom, and congratulations on your journey. And I know it's always about the journey. It never really is a destination. But, you know, keep doing the work and, you know, keep thriving because you admit that.

I can see that you're happy, and, you know, that's that's so important because life is just really too short.

Yeah. Spent too much time being unhappy. And now that I finally found my happiness internally, the most important part there is internally. And, you know, I just would love to say to your listeners that you are worthy right now of love. And don't wait for anyone else to give it to you. Give it to yourself.

Absolutely. And on that mic drop moment, thank you so much.

Thank you, Diane, for having me.

Another great conversation. Thank you for giving the valuable gift of your time and listening to The Fire Inside Her podcast. Speaking of value, 1 of the most common potholes we fall into on the journey to authenticity is not recognizing our value. So I created a workbook. It's all about value. Head on over to thefireinsideher.com/value to get your free workbook that will help you remember your value. Until next time, my friend.