Overcoming the inner critic journey to a thriving yoga studio owner
To wind down 2024 we are re-releasing one of your favorites! Join Diane Schroeder and guest Jen Carrubba to discuss the transformational power of self-care and yoga! Jen reveals how anxiety and therapy led her to an unexpected yet empowering yoga journey, eventually becoming a beloved instructor and yoga studio owner. Diane opens up about her struggles with identity post-retirement, talking back to her inner critic, and exploring how physical creativity acts as her refuge. Learn how Jen’s commitment to baking and yoga practice helped her manage anxiety and build a close-knit community. With themes of mindfulness, vulnerability, and community support, this episode promises valuable insights for anyone invested in mental health, personal growth, and the healing power of yoga.
Jen Carrubba opened up a yoga studio in Morgan Hill California, with her business partner Paula. It’s a city she’s been living in for almost 30 years. She has taught yoga for 7 years and has been practicing for 17. She is incredibly passionate about yoga and sharing it with others. Opening Morgan Hill Yoga Collective has been an exciting new adventure where she has learned that she is stronger than she thought she was.
How to connect with Jen:
Website – www.mhyogacollective.com
Instagram – @mhyogacollective
Facebook – Morgan Hill Yoga Collective
Transcript
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Diane Schroeder [:Welcome to the Fire Inside Her. A brave space to share stories of navigating life transitions with authenticity. Using our inner fire to light the way and self care as our loyal travel companion. I'm your host, Diane Schroeder, and I'm so grateful you are here. Hi, friend. I am so humbled to say that this podcast has almost 100 episodes. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for continuing to listen each week as we explore navigating change on the journey to authenticity. This week, I'm replaying a timely episode on navigating through limiting beliefs and self-doubt.
Diane Schroeder [:Jenn Carrubba is a yogi, successful yoga studio owner, mom, wife, and most notably, a beautiful soul. She is honest and vulnerable during our conversation about her journey to move beyond anxiety, navigating the transition to business owner and creating a thriving yoga community after her children launched. I chose this episode because Jen demonstrates the spirit of this show. She is vulnerable, authentic, and messy in the best way, and decides to be a badass even when she may not feel up to it. She proves that timelines and age are numbers, not facts or limitations. Plus, I love talking about yoga and the power of getting on your mat and transforming your life. You can read Jen's bio in the show notes and where her magical yoga studio is located. Let's jump in.
Diane Schroeder [:Hey, friends. Welcome back to another episode of The Fire Inside Her. Have you ever had a self doubt or a limiting belief that really held you back from achieving a dream or a goal that you've always wanted? This week's episode is perfect for you. I had the privilege of speaking with Jenn Carrubba. Her journey is one of resilience, self discovery, and the power of community. From overcoming her fear of public speaking to becoming a confident yoga instructor and eventually a business owner, Jen's story is proof that our biggest challenges can become our greatest triumphs. We dive into how Jen's journey unfolded, starting with her first encounter with the world of yoga and how it transformed her life. And speaking truly, I can't even reiterate how much yoga has transformed my life.
Diane Schroeder [:Jen battled anxiety and then found a sense of belonging and purpose. Her experience is gonna inspire you to embrace your own journey of self improvement and healing. But Jen's story doesn't stop there. We also talk about her journey to taking a leap of faith and opening a yoga studio with a business partner. They have created a space that prioritizes acceptance, community, and the freedom to explore your own yoga practice without judgment or competition. We also discussed the importance of listening, communicating, and being open to new ideas as Jen reflects on the lessons she's learned through running a yoga studio and the incredible team of teachers she surrounded herself with. Jen and her business partner recently opened up a yoga studio in the city Jen has lived in for almost 30 years. They are quickly approaching their 1 year anniversary of opening their doors.
Diane Schroeder [:She has taught yoga for 7 years, but has been a practicer of yoga for 17. She is incredibly passionate about yoga and sharing it with others. Yoga has helped her overcome anxiety and depression, and opening the Morgan Hill Yoga Collective has been an exciting new adventure where she has learned that she is much stronger than she thought she was. So grab your yoga mat, find a cozy spot, and get ready to be inspired as we unlock the fire inside Jenn Carrubba on this episode. Welcome, Jenn Carrubba. So excited to have you here today for our take 3 of getting this podcast recording going. How are you doing?
Jen Carrubba [:I'm doing great. Diane, so excited to be here, and I've just really enjoyed our first two take.
Diane Schroeder [:Me too. I mean, I feel we've we've laughed a lot already, and I mean, this is this is life.
Jen Carrubba [:Yes. And like you said, it's kinda calm my nerves a little bit. I've never done this before, and so I'm just excited.
Diane Schroeder [:I am excited too. And as I said, I'll be gentle since I'm your first, and I've gotten your consent, and I respect you. So we're gonna make this happen. And the first question I wanna know, my random icebreaker question for you is, what is your favorite yoga pose?
Jen Carrubba [:Tree pose. And why? Because I feel very strong. I feel very kinda, sounds weird coming from the word strong, but I also feel very light. I tend to be a bit heavy headed and heavy hearted. And in a tree, and you can grow your branches. And when I grow my branches, I get to express myself in a way that makes me feel empowered, very peaceful, and just very happy.
Diane Schroeder [:That is beautiful. Will you do me a favor and let the listeners who are non yogis know what tree pose, just a real basic kind of shape it is?
Jen Carrubba [:So you're balancing on one leg. So let's say I'm balancing on my left leg. I place the sole of my right foot on the inside of my left leg, either below or above the knee. And you always have to pull that belly button into the spine to engage the core and your heart's open. Maybe you bring your hands to heart center, palms together, and maybe you grow your branches into any fawn that you'd like. Branches meaning your arms.
Diane Schroeder [:That is perfect. And I do I do love tree pose. My current favorite shape is I like a good side angle. I don't know why there's something that I just feel strong and just the stretching my arm over my head just I just feel very, very aligned when I go into side angle.
Jen Carrubba [:I love that. Well, that must mean you're really kind of in tune with your core. And, you know, and it takes from and I'd say in my class very often, in every yoga pose, you work from the soles of your feet to the tip of your fingers or the tip of your head. And that especially, you know, really works at lunge and or should core, but it's also is I mean, you could tell. You can hear it in my voice. I'm so passionate about yoga and what it does for me, what it does for everyone who is really open to it because it's it's empowering.
Diane Schroeder [:Yes. I'm so excited to talk yoga today for the podcast, and I've talked a ton about leadership and having a seat at the table. I can talk self care forever, and I believe, you know, that the journey to authenticity is held up by self care, community, and leadership. And a huge part of self care to me over the last 6 years has been yoga. It has literally changed my life in so many ways. And you talk about a core, and we'll we'll get to that because I'm very conflicted when I talk about yoga and how strong my core is. Because in my mind, I feel like I should be thinner and not as thick as I am. So it's about acceptance and love and, man, yoga just it's not just your toes to your feet and everything in between.
Diane Schroeder [:It's your your mind and your love and acceptance for yourself. So if we can just go back a little bit, I want to hear, and my listeners would love to hear about your journey and how you got to opening a yoga studio almost a year ago.
Jen Carrubba [:Yes. So I never thought that this would happen. I actually didn't even dream of it. I first started practicing yoga about 17 years ago. I have suffered from anxiety and depression my entire life, and I didn't really get help for it because I didn't know what it was until I was 18. I saw a counselor, and it was it was great Being 18, she did not immediately prescribe medication. And we worked through some stuff, and I think it was just a matter of me soul searching and trying to find myself because I felt a bit lost when I graduated from high school. So that's when it first started.
Jen Carrubba [:But fast forward 17 years ago, I had another bout of anxiety and depression, and it was the health scare. That wasn't really a health scare, but I thought it was. So bit of a hypochondriac, and I am a worrier that goes hand in hand with my anxiety. But I had what I call kind of a I don't say panic attack because it doesn't necessarily hit me as what a normal panic attack is when you breathe and you eventually get through it. I consider myself a person with high functioning anxiety. So I have to do what I need to do to manage that on a daily basis. When I had that attack, I sought out therapy. I started on medication for anxiety, and I started up with Bikram Yoga.
Jen Carrubba [:Now Bikram Yoga is the hot yoga. It's intense. Yes, it is. But I had a friend of mine that owned a studio, and she said, you know, I really want you to come and try this. And I tried it, and I absolutely hated it. Yep. I absolutely hated it. And I was literally hide from my friend because I didn't want her, you know, I didn't wanna feel that pressure, and I felt a little bit of guilt not going to her studio.
Jen Carrubba [:But I eventually just kinda stuck with it because my anxiety was debilitating, and I didn't leave my house for about a month. So I needed time for the anxiety medication to work and gained a little bit of strength through talking to a therapist. And I went to yoga on a consistent basis. So what I loved about it is the heat creates an environment where you get into a very meditative state, and you are not able to be in that state if you don't have the heat in my mind. That's my experience, not for everybody, but it was a set sequence and it became my ritual. And not only was this a time, as you said, of self care for me to look at myself in the mirror with a bright light, with no music for 60 minutes? At that time, it was 90 minutes. It was difficult, but I kept going back. I kept going into my mat, and I eventually started, you know, seeing the results of how I was feeling mentally and how I was feeling physically.
Jen Carrubba [:And the community, I just get goosebumps as I say this, the community is what held me up. I mean, I can honestly start crying because it means that much to me. I just felt like I belonged. All of my quirks, I felt broken. And what I love about yoga is everyone who steps into the door is searching for a better version of themselves, or they're searching to heal something, whether it's mental or physical. So you have all these people that come together that are broken in some way. And I I don't say that in a negative way, but they're somehow, you know, wanting to be to be better or stronger or just love themselves, learn to love themselves. So I did that, and I been teaching now for 7 years.
Jen Carrubba [:So I was practicing for 10. That community saved me. And then owner of that Speak Room studio said to me, you should teach because I was going all the time. I was really connected. I loved it. I was passionate about it. I would talk about it all the time, and I was a really big part of this community. And she said, you should do it.
Jen Carrubba [:And I said, there's no way. One of my biggest fears is getting up and fighting a group of people and speaking. Can't. And I can't remember jack shit. Straight up. And you can ask my husband, ask my mother. I mean, it was 26 postures with 2 breathing exercises, and it is a script. It's very different than the style of teaching that I teach now.
Jen Carrubba [:And so when, you know, she told me this, I said, I can't possibly remember all that. And she said, well, you got nothing to lose. You know me, you know this community. Why don't you just give it a shot? We'll take one session at a time. So make a long story short. I went through 3 months, a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, a lot of tears. And it wasn't until probably the last 2 weeks of my 3 months training that I actually thought to myself, maybe I can do it, but I worked my ass off, Diane. I did not watch television.
Jen Carrubba [:I had a family to take care of and I took care of them, but I didn't do anything else. I sat down and every I took one posture at a time. And once I memorized that posture, I added another. And then I would add that first posture, then the second one. Once I got the second one, I would learn the 3rd and then say the first and the second. I would listen to the dialogue in my car, in my headphones. I was completely saturated, and that's what I needed to do to learn it. And I'm incredibly proud of myself because as I said, my husband and my mom, if you ask them now, when I first told them I was gonna do it, they said, we didn't think you could do it.
Diane Schroeder [:Wow.
Jen Carrubba [:Yes. So here I am 7 years later teaching the bhikram, which is now called the hot 26th, and I teach Vinyasa yoga. I am so incredibly passionate that I become kinda weird.
Diane Schroeder [:Thank you for sharing your story. And I know that's a snapshot of your story. And let me just say, we're all a little weird. So if you're not weird, you're weird.
Jen Carrubba [:I agree. I think it's so good to be weird and silly. Absolutely. Just be you.
Diane Schroeder [:Yeah. You know, I'm listening, and I've done both styles. I've done the hot 26 or Bikram, and I then went back and did Vinyasa and fell in love with Vinyasa and Ashtanga. Those are 2 of my favorite. And, obviously, you know, restorative. But the way you described Bikram is exactly how my partner described it when he started doing yoga. That's what he learned. It was the hot yoga.
Diane Schroeder [:It was meditative for him. It was routine and really helped change his life and heal him. And he's since left that studio and joined me at my studio that I go to. And so the change to Vinyasa was hard for him. Shapes that he'd never done before. And it's taken about a year and a half, but he really loves it now. And everything that you said about the broken people when I started going to yoga regularly, I was at a pretty low point in my life, and she's now one of my best friends. At the time, before we became really good friends, she lived down the street.
Diane Schroeder [:Our sons played together, and she said, hey. You know, I go practice yoga right behind the house. Why don't you join me? And I was like, you know, I'm kinda washed up from my CrossFit days. My whole body hurts. Yoga will be good for that. It will help heal me physically. It's exactly what I told myself. And I was like, alright.
Diane Schroeder [:And then the first couple classes, I couldn't move. I was so sore. I was sweating. I hated it. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done. I was like, give me a barbell. Let me do some burpees. This is ridiculous.
Diane Schroeder [:Don't look at it. And then I stuck with it. And before I knew it, I was changing physically and mentally, and I felt less broken. And I felt you know, when you say community, this group of strangers that I didn't know, we don't even talk for 60 minutes. And then, you know, when you're done, the energy has shifted, and everything is magical. And, also, at that time, my son was really struggling. He was pretty young. I think he was 6 or 7, and I would take him to restorative with me in the evenings when I went.
Diane Schroeder [:I mean, he wiggled a little bit, and it was really hard, but it helped calm him too. That's why I love talking about yoga because it's just amazing.
Jen Carrubba [:Well, I'm glad you you did that as a mom because I think that if I had yoga in my younger years, I would have been so much better off. And as you touched on before, it's acceptance. Because, you know, one of the things that I say as a teacher, every single class, I say there is no expectations, no judgment, and no competition ever. And a lot of that time, that competition is with you. Right? And we do that and I do it myself. And the way I teach is, you know, what I need to hear and what I need from it. I never feel like it's me preaching. It always feels just like this is what I need.
Jen Carrubba [:Like, I need to remind myself that if I fall out or if I can't do a pose or if I'm just not getting it, that it's okay and I'm okay. It doesn't mean I'm less of a yogi or or I'm just I'm not as good as the person next to me because that's not what it's about. I mean, as you know, our lives are crazy, especially nowadays. And if you can carve out 1 hour although these days, I have to say people are looking at their Apple Watch, and I always get up in their face, and I'm like, hey.
Diane Schroeder [:I'm guilty. I'm not gonna lie. I'm sorry.
Jen Carrubba [:Yep. I would be like, Diane, this is your time.
Diane Schroeder [:I know. And you're right.
Jen Carrubba [:But most of the time, they'll be like, oh, I'm checking my blood pressure. I'm like, oh, okay. Okay. Well, I don't want you coding out in class, so that's allowed. But it's time. It's an hour that's carved out, undivided attention where you get to focus on your breath, your heartbeat, all the sensations that are coming up in your body. It's such a gift. I understand it's not for everybody.
Jen Carrubba [:And, you know, I've been in this my community for 30 years. I swear there's, you know, people I see at Safeway that avoid me in the aisle. You know, like, oh god. She's gonna get locked in. And I respect that. And everyone has their thing. And it's funny that you bring up CrossFit because they just started one day a week. That's it.
Jen Carrubba [:Just because I'm 53, I'm getting older, so I wanna lift weights. So they wanna keep my strength up. And it is kind of a nice little balance that I found when in sore from CrossFit and just reach out in yoga. But ultimately, I have to say, all I do is walk my dogs and I have 2 corgis. You know, they're not really athletic dogs, but I walk and I do yoga, and I've never been in such good shape.
Diane Schroeder [:Yes. I found, you know, just getting that strength from the inside out, not just physical, but mental. My posture is better, and I find I'm just calmer. And I agree yoga isn't for everyone. While it's a great form of self care, beauty of it is we get to talk about it for an hour because, you know, we could talk about it probably for 10 hours. But if someone can take something away and the way I describe it, you know, there's so much life lessons in yoga. And, you know, I have this presentation that I give about self care and self maintenance, and it's primarily to men. So I mansplain self care.
Diane Schroeder [:And a lot of what they talk about is you have to have a work life balance work life balance, and I disagree. I think to yoga, I think to tree pose, every time I say this is you have to be stable before you can get in a balancing posture. So there is no way you can balance your work life and your home life unless you have some stability within yourself first.
Jen Carrubba [:Well said.
Diane Schroeder [:And the best way to do that is yoga because there is nothing more humbling than trying to stand on one leg with one leg either connected or sticking out or going backwards or something else or holding a plank pose for any amount of time. It just tests your resolve, and there's something about it that changes you once you consistently do it.
Jen Carrubba [:It does. And until you do it and, again, accept it. Like, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna reopen my mind to it, and I'm gonna see what happens after I consistently go to my mat. I've never left a class that I was sorry I attended ever.
Diane Schroeder [:Yes. Yes.
Jen Carrubba [:Yeah. I mean, it's hard to get there. I get it. Like, it's busy. You're busy. You wanna go home. It was still on the couch. But I've never walked out of a class.
Jen Carrubba [:Sorry I went. And in yoga, we do really hard things, and we breathe through those hard things. And the intention that I always have is it becomes, you know, it's a practice. So when you practice that on your mat consistently, when you walk out the door and you leave the studio, when you're in a situation that is difficult mentally or physically, you breathe through it. You can get through hard things. And the only way that you're gonna grow as a person, as an individual, mentally and physically, is if you continue to do hard things. And, you know, the way you're gonna do it, not to panic, because I'm a, you know, I'm an anxiety panicker, is to breathe and get to that yoga breath. And for me, 17 years later, I know what that yoga breath feels like.
Jen Carrubba [:It calms me down. Then you take a deep breath and you sigh it out. You connect with that breath. It really allows you to be present and be mindful and know you can handle it. And funny you say men because I just recently added a we call it broga. Oh my gosh. Because it bros. I know it's so fun.
Jen Carrubba [:And because men, you know, men need it. The majority of our students at our yoga studio is is women. It's about 80% women, 20% men. And they're just intimidated. They're intimidated to come into a room full of women that know what they're doing. Most men are not flexible, and they're just scared to be bad at something. And they don't understand that it's not about being good. Number one thing people say to me, I'm not flexible.
Jen Carrubba [:I can't do it. Like, what? What does that even mean? Well, can you breathe? If you're getting into the best version of you in whatever that posture looks like for you in the moment you're in. So, anyway, this program has been fun. It was a way to get my husband there because my husband has not really been into yoga. So I said, hey. I'm doing this broker class, and I got a couple of my friends that are also his friends that are coming. And it could have been the ice cold beers that I served after class. Could have been it.
Jen Carrubba [:But I'm not beneath bribery.
Diane Schroeder [:Duh. I mean, right, especially with guys because men are similar to raising children. And I say that with all the love, I've spent over half my life supervising men in the fire service. And what works for them usually works for my little guy too and vice versa. So if cold beers gets them there, then so what? They did yoga.
Jen Carrubba [:Yes. And my husband came away and really enjoyed it. And he suggested that I do Brogo once a month. He's even talking about the playlist because the one thing I know I've sorry if I'm going all over the place, but with Bikram, we didn't have any music. Well, we've changed things up. Now we're hot 26. Now we have really fun music. We got eighties music.
Jen Carrubba [:We have southern rock. I mean, we have it all. Makes it fun. In our studio, we have colored lights to set the tone, set the mood. And it is all about joy. And we laugh, and we fall out, and we wipe our sweat. We drink water where we want to. We're in there to just support each other and have fun.
Jen Carrubba [:So with that, coming into it, he stretched, he breathed, he moved, he didn't feel intimidated. He became more self aware. He stretched, took the time up for him because, you know, he's a gym guy. He lifts weights. He doesn't stretch. He's 58. So afterwards, you know and it was warm. It wasn't as warm as I usually have it, but it was warm.
Jen Carrubba [:We all came out and sat on the couches, and we were there for almost 2 hours just shooting the shit, drinking ice cold beers, having cookies. And for the first time, he looked at me and he said, I get it.
Diane Schroeder [:It's community. You gave them the best of everything. So before we get too far down that, let's talk about your decision to open your own yoga studio. So you went from teacher to business owner, and I wanna hear just a little bit about that. And for those that are in California, I will leave all the information to Jen's studio in the show notes, but tell us about that big leap.
Jen Carrubba [:It was crazy and very unexpected. And I have a business partner. Her name is Paula Rasmussen. And she is just an angel that came into my life and changed it forever because I have worked at several studios. And this particular time, I was working at a corporate studio. It was during COVID. It was tough, but, you know, I love it. I love to teach.
Jen Carrubba [:I love the community. So that was my home. I was there for almost a year and had, you know, some issues with corporate, with the owner, with the management that wasn't right for me. It was a personal decision. I'm not, you know, bashing anyone here. I just wanna say it was just not a comfortable place for me. And I wasn't, you know, considering how much I love it. It just didn't feel right.
Jen Carrubba [:And it was time for me to leave. So I decided to leave, but I had created a community that came, you know, that came to my classes and we were all friends. We were all you know, my students would come in and save spots for one another. And so we created this circle of just love. And I had to make phone calls and just say, hey. I'm really sorry, but I'm leaving the studio. And they were upset. Paula in particular was upset.
Jen Carrubba [:It had helped her a lot through COVID. She and her husband were in a place where Paula was an attorney and she was ready to get out of the law, believing that things happen for a reason. And her husband was like, you know, I think it's an opportunity and you should seize the day. And she called me and said, how about we open our own studio? And keep in mind, that was not an easy move for me. And for about 2 days, I didn't get off the couch. After I left the Corpus studio, I was devastated. In my hometown, I've been in this town for 30 years. I love it.
Jen Carrubba [:And because before that, I was commuting to teach. And so I was devastated because it's pretty much in my backyard, and she was a lifeline for me. And she called me and said this, and I I didn't know how much I believed her. You know, I just kinda was entertained by it. I was so appreciative because she got me off the couch. She gave me a little glimmer of hope. You know, obviously, it did happen immediately. We started to kinda talk and entertain it.
Jen Carrubba [:The idea of it started looking around for spots. And so in the meantime, I had gone to another studio to do some substitute teaching. And everyone that followed me over wasn't that thrilled about it. Just didn't have the same vibe. It didn't have the same community. So I was like, freaking out a little bit. And next thing I know, I mean, Paula, thinking of needing her own podcast, this woman is she's a doer. She's just made shit happen.
Jen Carrubba [:And once she got that idea in her head and I have to say, you know, she was the financial backing of the studio. We put our heads together, did some research, found a place, and everything just sell into place beautifully.
Diane Schroeder [:I love it when that happens.
Jen Carrubba [:Oh, and it it just felt right because, Diane, I was scared shitless. I felt because, you know, Paula has just moved into this area 3 years ago. It is, you know, my name, my reputation. People are following me. It was up to me. I felt it was my responsibility to have this place succeed. And this is way beyond anything that I thought I could do. I don't have a head for business.
Jen Carrubba [:As you know, I don't I don't I'm not techie at all. I don't know what to do. I still have old school, you know, list that people write their names down on. So I just thought, I don't know if I could do this. I don't like you know, if I'm in charge, I don't like confrontation. I don't like hard conversations. I don't like any of that, but Paula gave me strength. And because I knew we were in it together, I thought, okay.
Jen Carrubba [:Let's put one foot in front of the other. Let's learn. I was the first one to say, I don't know what the I'm doing. I need help. And that little group that I told you about that was at this corporate studio, That's one of the reasons why we call it Morgan Hill Yoga Collective. I know I'm getting ahead of you, but No. It's beautiful. It is a collective group of people that help pull this thing off, and they are incredible.
Jen Carrubba [:I call them the dream team. Everyone came into this circle with what they are good at and helped us do this.
Diane Schroeder [:You just described everything about being an authentic, genuine leader. You have surrounded yourself with amazing individuals who add value to your life and your business. You were open to receive invitations from the universe in the form of human angels. And when you're in alignment with what you're supposed to be doing and how you feel and the people you surround yourself with, it is that effortless. It is that, you know, everything works together, and the humbleness that you show about it tells me that it's because of you. You bet on yourself. As a good friend of mine says all the time, if you bet on yourself, you can't go wrong.
Jen Carrubba [:Wow. And that's powerful. It's not something that's ever been easy for me. I've doubted myself everything that I've done before. Everything that I've done, I don't think I can do it. I have a high school education. I did not go to college. I went to beauty school.
Jen Carrubba [:I became a hairdresser, and then I was a stay at home mom. And I knew that when I was an empty nester, I was gonna have to reinvent myself. And I am grateful for yoga. And like I said, I didn't expect it. It just happened authentically. I embraced the journey and met so many incredible people, but in no way am I a savvy business owner or the best yoga teacher there is. You know, I'm surrounded by, I think, those 9 teachers that we have at the studio, and I'm probably the youngest. And I don't say youngest in age, experience.
Jen Carrubba [:So I just look all around me and our teachers and Paula and I said this from the beginning. This is not Paula and I. This is all of us. We are nothing without our teachers. We are nothing without our students. We need to listen to each other and you have to talk and communicate. Give us ideas. We're open to anything and we'll go with anything.
Jen Carrubba [:It's all trial and error. We're figuring it out. And that's truly what has happened. You've created the safe space for the community, whether you're a student, whether you're a teacher.
Diane Schroeder [:You know, you've created the safe bubble where people can come in and be genuine and be seen, and that just inspires more creativity and also the ability to fail. You know? So if this doesn't work, if bro yoga broga was a a flop, okay. Cool. We'll figure it out again. What's the worst that can happen is you love each other and you hold each other up and you continue moving forward. And that says so much, and I would challenge you to give yourself some grace that you have raised 2 beautiful children. Correct?
Jen Carrubba [:Yes.
Diane Schroeder [:You've been married for, I'd say, probably a minute. Almost 30. You you have worked your ass off your entire life while managing and deciding to not let anxiety define you, or if you get knocked down to not get back up even if it is hard, because it is hard, and life is freaking hard. And to be scared and not sure what happens next, I think, is a shared emotion of the collective. You know, you're saying all these things that I just feel it in my heart as I just walked away from my career in the fire service, and I'm not quite sure what I'm gonna do next. Yeah. It's scary. It is terrifying, but you're not alone.
Diane Schroeder [:And that's the beauty of it, you know. And when you share your story, you find you're not alone and you help other people. You know, someone hears them like, oh, I have that. That sounds familiar. And look what she did. That means I can do it too. So you're a role model.
Jen Carrubba [:Thank you. Thank you for those kind words. I will take them in and absorb them because it feels good. And I think, you know, it's not all all the time that that I feel this way, but little starts of it knowing that I'm helping people. I've always been very open and honest, you know, talked about being on Lexapro for anxiety. I've been on and off medication for many, many years, and it's okay. Absolutely. One of the reasons I'd like to share is because people see me in the yoga studio environment where I am high energy seem to be very confident, gregarious, and I can chalk that up to the passion.
Jen Carrubba [:Because in other areas of my life, I have not been that way. I've been shy. I've been insecure, self doubting. So when they see me and they think, ah, she's got her shit together. She's healthy. She's strong. As you can tell, I swear a lot, and I usually swear just for the sake of, like, an an adjective, but I'm fucking hot mess. I'm a hot mess.
Jen Carrubba [:I'm emotional. I'm sensitive. I'm, believe it or not, an introvert in many ways, and I recharge by being by myself. But people don't see that. And so when I tell them I have anxiety, I have depression, I suffer through so much self doubt. I'm so insecure. You know, I need yoga. I need medication.
Jen Carrubba [:I I need therapy. When they see that, it allows them to be human too. That's one of the gifts I feel. Like, I used to think it was such a curse to have anxiety, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone because it's really scary. But the anxiety, when I feel, forced me into focusing on me. I couldn't just go through an autopilot mode, enjoying what I was doing, And I would have. My decisions were were based on fear. Didn't go to college because I was fearful, a number of things.
Jen Carrubba [:So, you know, for me, I was forced to tune in. And I think in a way that's what yoga is, why yoga is so good for me. It forces me to notice what's happening in my body and my mind to tune in because you have to. Because if you don't fill up that cup and if you don't take care of yourself, you have nothing. You have nothing. And you cannot take care I mean, your son, you can't take care of the job. I wanna congratulate you for your service, your career. And I know what that involves because we have a mutual friend, Tricia Connolly, who is one of my favorite people walking this earth.
Jen Carrubba [:And I know how difficult as a woman, I know how difficult that must have been. And I just applaud you because you've paved the way, and you've become such an incredible role model for other women. It's huge. But then when that goes away, it does somewhat define you. Then you think, well, what am I now?
Diane Schroeder [:Absolutely. So thank you. You know, I I spent probably the last 2 years of my career really with some serious self talk of this is not who I am. It's not who I am. I am a million other things, and, yes, I work in the fire service, but it's not who I am. And I thought I'm ready. I got this. It's not who I am.
Diane Schroeder [:And, like, 2 weeks after I retired, I was like, well, damn it. Maybe I was wrong, and it's exactly who I was. And should I go back? I got a bunch of nonsense. I Who was I talking to? Because I you know, that that self talk and I just I have to say, I, as a fellow introvert, those are our superpowers. Being empathetic, feeling the room, feeling the vibe, feeling other people's energy is a superpower. And it can also be really exhausting because people got a lot of stuff going on. And if you don't know what it feels like to walk into a room and just absorb all of that energy, good, bad, or ugly, it really takes a toll and can be draining. So I appreciate you sharing that, and I know that someone listening is gonna be like, yes.
Diane Schroeder [:That is exactly it. So you give yourself grace. And I guess my question then is, how do you continue to take care of yourself? Has it changed? Has yoga changed now that you're a business owner or is it still the sacred way that you take care of yourself and and have you found other ways to fill your cup?
Jen Carrubba [:Yes. That's a good question because teaching yoga is not anything like doing yoga. Even, you know, there's some teachers that do the movements with you the whole class. I'm not that kind of a teacher. I walk around. I can't sit still, but I've been never on my back. So I don't get the physical. But also, even if the teachers do, they're so preoccupied with, you know, providing the energy and the encouragement and the guidance.
Jen Carrubba [:So I'm being a business owner, even though it's been just, you know, everything kinda fit into place and it's fantastic. There are times when our heater goes out. Oh, or you don't have dinner. You have no music. Music doesn't work. You know, someone's locked out. I mean, there's just so many things, hard conversations, things that don't work out, you know, stuff that doesn't work out. It's a lot.
Jen Carrubba [:Self care for me is getting to my mat. So I try really hard to get to my mat at least twice a week. And I try to put everything aside and just tune it out and know that it's waiting for me when I get off my mat. I try to meditate. I'm not very good at it. Trisha and I have tried to do it together to make ourselves accountable. I mean, I do it through the Calm app, which is wonderful. So a little shout out to Calm.
Jen Carrubba [:I love it. 10 minutes is all I got, but it's enough. I tell myself, Jen, you're good because carve out an hour or a half an hour. It's just too much. So you always gotta just take the baby steps and just get what you can in. Even if it's on your mat 15 minutes by yourself at your house, get on your mat. You deserve it. So I try to meditate.
Jen Carrubba [:I I love to bake. Sometimes I go home and bake.
Diane Schroeder [:What's your favorite thing to bake?
Jen Carrubba [:Everything dessert. My favorite is cookies. I love to make a pear tart. I'd love to make an Eisenhower cake, a bun cake. I'm miserable at bread. Absolutely miserable at bread. I can't I've tried it. So everyone's into sourdough during COVID.
Jen Carrubba [:My sourdough was so bad. I used it like a Frisbee in my coldest day. Swear to god. I'm like, that's it. Epic fail.
Diane Schroeder [:I have more Pinterest fails than not, so I I understand that. And I hear that, and, like, I have to build things with my hands to feel calm. Like, that's the best way to calm me down, whether it's, like, creating something to help, I don't know, whomever. I have to draw it out. I'm a whiteboard person, or I like to build shelves or furniture, you know, just something to assemble. It gives my brain something, yes,
Jen Carrubba [:something to do. That's amazing. But, I mean, yet, for you such a, a talent to build your furniture and things in your house, that's awesome.
Diane Schroeder [:Yeah. It's pretty fun. It could rival what my 6th grade shop projects looked like, but that's okay. It's sturdy. So far, it's still standing.
Jen Carrubba [:Yeah. Hey. I mean, I'm in sewing class back in, you know, in my day, making that little potholder was huge. Was huge. You know? Doesn't that doesn't have to be perfect. You did it with your own hands.
Diane Schroeder [:Yeah. That's huge. I am so grateful that you have shared such a vulnerable side of you and your story. And, you know, what I hear the whole time is you're just a badass, and I hope that you will see that in yourself someday because all the evidence is clear. You know exactly what you're doing. You're amazing, and you are helping a community. And it's through the most beautiful practice, in my opinion, which is yoga. And that is that is no small task at all, and I love your passion for it.
Diane Schroeder [:As a final question, I just wanna hear your take on this. I'm really curious. Why is arguably the easiest yoga position, which is Shavasana or corpse pose, the most difficult?
Jen Carrubba [:Oh, and it is. And I knew where you were going. I'm like, oh, I hope she said Sebastian. I hope she said Sebastian. Because it is the hardest and it's the old eggbeat joke saying it's, you know, the posture you come here for because of our brains. We cannot turn off. We can't turn it off. We it's so hard to sit still.
Jen Carrubba [:That's why it's so hard for me to meditate because sitting still and this is why I like yoga because it is a moving meditation. So I get the benefit of meditation, but with movement. So being able to let go of everything and to allow yourself to focus solely on your breath, to give yourself time, to shut off all the crazy talk that you tell yourself. I call it a squirrel brain. You know, it's just that. And it's funny to watch people. People are fascinating. You know, they're scratching and they're itching.
Jen Carrubba [:And because cutting it short, squirrel brain, you can't turn it off.
Diane Schroeder [:Yes. I, the squirrel brain. And I read in a book too, part of it is just feeling safe because you're in a very vulnerable exposed position after doing something really hard. And there have been a few times where I've fallen asleep in Shavasana, which to me is, like, level 10. Right? Snoring, everything, slightly embarrassing. But there are times where depending on how what's going on in my life that it's the squirrel brain, yes, and it's I don't feel safe. I don't feel like I can fully relax. So my, you know, untrained yoga.
Jen Carrubba [:But the thing is it's different for everyone. So I love that you said that because I'm gonna always learning. And it's just from what people say and what they experience. And I love to, you know, bring that in. So I'm gonna bring it into my next class and and just that maybe that vulnerability and that you just did something incredibly hard. And and with this is where you truly benefit from all that hard work you just did. Allow yourself to let go. Diane, thank you for inspiring me.
Jen Carrubba [:Well, you are very welcome.
Diane Schroeder [:Thank you for inspiring me, and thank you for giving us your time because I know it's valuable. And even after 10 takes to try to get it going, I'm very grateful, and I can't wait to come visit you and practice at your studio.
Jen Carrubba [:I cannot wait, Diane. I cannot wait. So I'm holding you to it.
Diane Schroeder [:I'm down. I will be there. I'm not sure when, but I will be there. Thanks, Jed.
Jen Carrubba [:Thank you.
Diane Schroeder [:Thank you for joining us. I am grateful you are here. If you're curious about how speaking to ourselves is a form of self-care, head over to the fire inside her.com forward/audio for a free recording on self-care. Until next time. Be safe, be kind, and be authentically you.