Music and Self-Care

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Hi, baby.

How are you?

I'm good.

I am so excited to have you back on the podcast again. And we are going to talk about one of our favorite topics and that's music. And what's important about this episode for everyone listening is that music is truly self care. Maybe not for everyone, but for a lot of people and definitely us. And I think before we get into how music is self care, I would like to share the story of Pearl Jam, our first date, and our song. So I want you to tell me what you remember because we've already talked about our first date. Everyone knows that's season one. I'll put the episode in the show notes and you can go back and listen to the story of our first date. But one of the things we talked about was music and our favorite bands and favorite shows. So I would like to hear your perspective of when we talked about Pearl Jam and our favorite Pearl Jam song.

That was one of the things, I think, that drew us to each other on the whole dating app thing was music and how it was important to both of us. And so, of course, it came up in the conversation at dinner and we talked about what music we liked and I don't remember what else you told me who you like besides Pearl Jam? And I was like, oh, that's cool. What's your favorite song? Thought for a minute and you said Daughter. And I saw that's a really cool song. That's one of my favorite songs, too. And I think that's really all I said that night. I don't think I alluded to anything else.

You didn't. You played it so cool. It was like, Pearl Jam, Daughter is my favorite song. And I think I probably rambled on why for a minute or two. And then fast forward a couple of months later and we had told each other that we love each other. I went on a trip and on my way home from the trip, you sent me a text message.

Must have sent you the song.

Right.

The live version. I think I said it's one of my favorite Pearl Jam songs. And Pearl Jam is my music life, right? It's the bedrock of my music life. And I had attached myself to this song because I was at the show at the front row and there's a tag that they call the song Daughter and it talks about acceptance, being loved. And so I think that was shortly after. Like you said, we told each other that we loved each other, and we often also shared our thoughts with each other through music. And so this was a way for me to share that with you, just to share that song with you and say, listen to this part.

It was really cool. I was in the airport, my flight was delayed, and, yeah, we had started a music list of our songs back and forth. We communicate through music. And you said, It's great you're in the airport because you have your earbuds in, really pay attention to the last part of the song. And I did, and my eyes got a little watery because I'm like, man, told him in the beginning, my favorite song was Daughter, and he was just like, oh, yeah, that's a great song. And then he sends me this song that he'd heard live 20 plus years prior. It was just really cool and really special.

It's very special. The song, to me was groundbreaking because it said those three words, acceptance is love. And for a lot of my life, those things didn't go together. So that really made sense to me. And when I listened to it, it just resonated with me. And all my life after that, I wanted to share that song with somebody that accepted me and loved me for who I was. And so that's you.

It's easy to accept and love you. So now that we got that goosebump story out of the way, another one of our cool stories tell me about when music came into your life and how it impacted you and how it's become a form of self care.

So my parents always had music on. Whether it was a record player or cassettes CDs, they always had music on. I remember as I was a kid, Keith Green always playing in the background, and so music was always there. Growing up, I sang in the choir, in church. I connected with music. It made me happy. It felt good. It was an escape at times. It's always a story. It was somebody's expression. And what I later learned is that I could interpret it however I wanted to. It wasn't forced on me. I was always into music. I didn't get into secular music because you hadn't talked about it until high school, and so that was different.

Oh, I'm sure for most of your life you listened to what we affectionately call God rock or Christian music. It wasn't anything. I find it funny when we talk now about music from the 80s, rock music or some even classic rock from the 70s, you're like, no, I'm not familiar with that, just because it wasn't part of your life. And for me, similar to you, music was always on in the background. We would take road trips to Kansas and we'd be listening to cassette tapes or eight tracks, and my mom and dad had this great record collection. And I remember listening to I think it's Little Richard, when he would sing about my dingling. And I remember giggling, driving, like, oh, my God, what kind of music is this? And then my older brother, eleven years older than me. And so he was at this amazing age of music in the late 70s, early eighty s. And I just got to be part of it and see that with him and experience Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin and Eric Clapton, Phil Collins. And he had gotten me a subscription to Rolling Stone magazine when I was like eight or nine years old, when it was the double, really big, wide one. So I just can't recall when music wasn't part of my life. My dad used to take my little brother and I to the planetarium for the Pink Floyd laser show. Laser light show, yeah. So I've been to that. Great that music just reaches you and grabs you, and it had your attention before you really got into what you said called the secular music. So tell me your experience when you really it was grunge it was alternative music, how that really changed your life and how Pearl Jam changed your life.

It was the sound. It was different than any of the quote unquote secular music I had listened to in the past. It was totally different. The music was I love guitars, I love sounded really deep. And then I was in high school and had my first Pearl Jack, the album Versus. And my mom cut it in half, and so I couldn't listen to it anymore. I think I was a junior, anyway, it broke my heart. Even Flow would come out, and that was life changing. Not as much as it Smells Like Teen spirit, but the same thing for me. It was like what the World, Even Flow would say to me. And then I just dove deep into lyrics and reading them and singing them and just listening to it over and over and over and over again. We talked the other day about Foo Fighters, the first album, and how I know every word, every song on that album. We all have albums like that, right?

Oh, I remember Def Leppard.

Absolutely.

For me, it pulled me out of or into just another space, another level of just brain candy, right. Of disconnecting or not running away from, but just being getting lost in music. Right. A lot of people talk about that and yeah, it was just always around.

When was your first concert?

I don't know what year it was. It had to be in the had to be in the mid, late 80s. My dad took me to the Old Lady on Brady, Tulsa Oklahoma, to see Michael W. Smith. So he took me to see that. I remember the music was great. We sat fairly close, but I remember we sat down the entire time. Stand up? No standing.

Well, it's similar. Fast forward how many years when we saw Lauren Daigle last year, and it was the same thing we are at Red Rocks, no one's really standing. And it was like being in church. And we'll talk more about that Lauren Daigle concert later on in this conversation. But how cool your dad took you to your show. When did he become a deadhead?

Well, when he was in high school, I think he in about a year or two, or three, however many drove from Tulsa, Oklahoma to Southern California.

Oh, wow.

Or maybe 70 or 72. I don't remember exactly. So at least at that point.

How did that work in your house?

Well, we didn't listen to a lot of grateful dad growing up.

Really?

I didn't discover the grateful dad, truly, until he reintroduced me to them or introduced me to them. In my 30s probably fell in love with them. Just listened to typically. And you can vouch for this? When I find new music, I tend to listen to it on repeat for a solid, long period of time.

Yes, that is correct.

But it's how I immerse myself in it, and it is a form of self care. New music is just appeals to me. It makes me happy.

So you started you went to your first concert, Michael W. Smith, with your dad. When was your first Pearl Jam show?

1998. So my best friend and I seen most concerts with Todd, and we lived in Wisconsin, and we drove down to a place called Alpine Valley, which is in southern Wisconsin. We see Pearl Gym two nights in a row at East Troy. And it changed my life.

How did it change your life? Tell me more.

It was almost like I was the only person in the venue. It was like there was nobody else around me, and it was seen to me. We were fairly close the first night. We were in the first ten rows, I think. But I'd never been that close before because this is 98. They've been around for eight years. So they were jamming, and it was great. We saw it. We did it again two nights in a row, back to back, and so I was hooked. And then it just went on from there.

And you've traveled all over the country to see Pearl Jam?

Well, and I love it because I think I still go back to our first date when you're like, oh, yeah, Pearl Jam. I didn't know you were a super fan. I had no idea that we're coming up on this September will be what show for you?

48.

That's right.

Green sky at Bluegrass. And that's when I realized I'd been listening to their music for a month or so before, and I'm like, oh, there's some songs I like. I wonder if they'll play these. And you're like, oh, we'll check the set list, we chase it. We chase these songs. And I was like, oh, my, Josh, this is going to be cool.

It's a different level of gooberness for me. You fall in love with these songs and hear them live is the next level for me of life changing and of self care, right? Going to live shows is 100% self care for me.

How?

Well, I didn't know this when I was growing up, but later I learned that it's a recharge, it's a connection. I could feel it in my heart now, and that's not what used to happen when I listened to music, but now it's different. And so with some of these bands, you connect with the song and to be able to hear them live and hear them raw, pure is the best for me for live music and for you. And so we have songs that we chase. It's fun because get to see a lot of shows, I'm going to have a lot of experiences, and one of these days we'll catch those songs.

I love it. And we had a pretty epic first year of going to shows almost as much as, hey, I know we just met, we've been on one date. You want to go to Mexico with me? But there's zero hesitation about going to shows. You've introduced me to some incredible artists that I've now seen multiple times, like Billy String and Goose specifically. Those two come to mind what I loved about Goose. So we got to go see Goose at Red Rocks last year. And then we saw him at Radio City Music Hall and then we saw him at Radio City Music Hall first and then Red Rocks.

Correct.

The feeling, right?

Yes. It just opens your heart and you're like, wow, this is so incredible. And I always think, how cool would it be for the artists, too? Why else would you do it? So, yes, chasing the music has been amazing and I love it so much and I'm grateful you opened it up to me. And what I also appreciate is when I'll throw out an artist that you may not be familiar with, but you'll go with me with an open mind. And there's two that come to mind. The first, they're both god rock artists because it was Need to Breathe.

Oh, Need to Breathe, both great shows.

Right.

Great experiences. It's the experience.

Right, right. The song, it was just so powerful. And with Lauren Daigle, I don't know how anyone who could not feel it at that show and the power of music to release a lot of that emotion inside. I know I found Lauren Daigle to be really important to me when I was in a dark space. You have your playlist, right? Like, man, I'm really sad. So you create these playlists in your head. This is the music I need to listen to. What music do you go back to when you are just like, not in a great place, when you're sad or depressed or not in a happy space.

Most of the time I'll go to what's hot, what's really on my mind right now. A lot has been Goose lately, but I think I told you this the other day. Sometimes I get to the point where I listen to so much music, it just becomes not fulfilling in background noise. When I get to that point, I always go back to Pearl Jam. It doesn't matter what song comes on, but it's almost like a centering thing or a grounding thing to come back to that. Those are the playlists that I go back to.

Yeah, I find I definitely have because I love all music, every genre I can connect with on some level, especially when I'm doing something and it takes me back. And I remember the words like, I worry that as we grow older together, I'm not going to remember your name, but I'll remember every song lyric. I find that so powerful. And even we were driving yesterday and Candlebox came out. It takes you back to that very moment. I really am grateful that we are able to share that connection and we've shared really cool musical experiences together and not together and still can connect with just how powerful music is. So what would be your top three favorite songs right now?

Right now the number one song is probably Creatures by Goose. The next one is probably Wargasm by Billy Strings. I saw it live a couple of weeks ago, felt really good. Last one is probably Tom Petty. What did I tell you this morning? Don't come around here no more Tom Petty. Those would be my top three. My go to would always be, you're welcome for introducing me to all those things, but you have introduced me to all kinds of music that I had never heard or maybe listened to in a different way, didn't have perspective on, and I love that about you. We always have music playing in the house. We got home today from taking a walk and music started playing. And I love that we share that. It's really special for me to have that connection with you.

I agree. It's important for self care, it's important for intimacy. It's one of our love languages. How we talk back and forth is I can send you a song or a song will start playing in my own personal jukebox in my head, and it brings me to the moment. Last year we saw a lot of really cool shows, like all over the country. It was an epic year for shows. What was your favorite show last year?

It had to be Goose at Ray City Music. You bought the tickets. You surprised me with the tickets. Total coincidence that they were there, we were there, et cetera. So epic day. Yankee Stadium for a no hitter during the day, quick shower and that Goose and Radio City Music Hall. Think that was probably the best. So many. I mean, you'll probably tell them all how many who all we saw last year. But holy smokes, that was a really good day. And just to have that surprise, going to see views at Radio City. It was the second time I'd seen them. They played an acoustic set.

For me, my favorite show last year, Goose at Red Rocks, was spectacular. But it would definitely be the Lauren Daigle show that we thought the experience the VIP ticket. And we got to see her do a warm up set and just talk to the fans and just really feel her energy and that energy, and that was a spiritual experience to be there. I would say a close Elton John.

That was the one that came to my mind, was Elton John. And then right after that was Stevie Knicks, nostalgic a little bit, but there's a lot of other stuff in between. Billy Strings and Pearl Jam, Need to Breathe.

What advice would you give for my audience to bring more music in their lives?

Just be open to listening to different music. Somebody says, hey, check this out, check it out. Give it a listen. Three weeks ago, almost to the day, I was given music by The Revivals. Never heard them before and I gave it a chance. I love it. It's great music. So I'd say be open and let it get you to the point of happy.

And don't be afraid to dance to it.

Yes, can’t dance well, but yes.

Let it move you.

Let it move you however it does.

I would say that, too. And I would say I would offer to play more music in the house or in the radio, in the car. And it really is a great way to connect you with other people. It's a great way for connection with your kids. I love when we're downstairs watching TV and you can hear a little man upstairs and when he's in the shower, he's blaring music. And that's always been a calming thing for him. And I don't always agree with the music that he listens to, but I love that he listens to it and he feels it and it impacts him. So I would say use music as that tool to also build community. It's great for self care, but it's also a great way to build community with other fans and music fans. And you don't have to be able to sing you don't have to be able to play an instrument to really appreciate music and the artwork with it. And I think like yesterday when we're playing domino's for Mom's birthday, there was this amazing playlist on, and myself and my two sister in laws were like, singing every word to every song, and it was just this happy, like it was contagious.

I think that the other thing I would say. I would just take yours a little bit further. Make sure your kids listen to music, expose them to music because it will change their lives, give them memories, create those connections with other people and it will serve them well and allow them the freedom to have that music blurry right. I'm grateful that my son has been gifted that your son has been gifted that for us. Share that. It's lovely.

I agree. The last story that I want to tell that I think is really cool that we did when we sent out the wedding invitation. And on the back we put predict a song to play. And as we got the RSVPs back, we compiled this incredible playlist and we listened to not even all of it and have goosebumps the entire time. And it was this beautiful. Made me realize how grateful I am to our community and our family and our friends that have this shared connection of music.

That was amazing yesterday. We felt the music that people had suggested and we said, look, this is mind blowing, it's magic and let's just put it away until the wedding gets here and it's going to be great to share that. Great idea. I love it.

And the other thing I would say is go back to times in your life that whether it was you younger, younger versions of you, and just think about the music that was important then to you then and listen to it and give your inner child a little bit of love with that music, that soundtrack of your life and feel it and just even sad songs, even if you need to cry sometimes music helps you do that. So thank you.

I'm so proud of you. It's amazing to be here and to see your smile when we talk about music. It's really cool. I'm proud of you and I love you. It's great to be here.